A Moon Will Rise From My Darkness


The past few weeks have been nothing less than challenging, confusing, and emotional.   There are a lot of feelings, and memories that have been brought up from my childhood that I was never able to really see, or even remember, for what they are until now.  Unfortunately, these memories have thrown me in to a state of emotional catastrophe.  Things that were hidden in my subconscious for decades.

My childhood was not easy.  Growing up in “that” household was not easy.  Looking back now, the decisions that I made as a teenager, and young woman were in direct response to the way I was treated, or the experiences that I went through during my younger years.

Truth be told, I was a pretty messed up person for many many years.  Allowing people to hurt me, enduring pain and continuing in situations that anyone who truly loved themselves would never have allowed themselves to stay in.  It is all starting to make sense now, but it doesn’t change the emotions I feel when I realize why I turned out the way I did.9e5bc0f7d2b2be021968e110b86953e6

I try to remain positive, and happy and remind myself that some days are just ‘bad’, but the reality is that life is one big blessing and that challenges are meant to be there so that you can be reminded of the good.  But there are some days that leave you feeling so defeated and overwhelmed that you don’t even know how to digest your thoughts so you are able to differentiate what makes sense, and what doesn’t.

When I am at my darkest I try to remind myself that they say that with pain comes healing.  Although you are feeling your lowest, the hope is that it can only get better from that point forward.  Fingers crossed.27b51aa4dc95e0cfd1eaa7b15c28f128



The Art Of Forgiveness | The Most Precious Gift To Yourself


I am the first to admit it – I let things fester, unnecessarily, to the point where I lose sleep, and dwell on things.  I get to the point where I attach all memories to a specific event, or person and I only see negative.  It turns all of my acquired human decency in prickly little attitude which takes away my shine.  It turns my happiness into frustration.  It take’s the quality of my joy and turns it into mediocre.  It take’s the authenticity out of me.

The thing about fairness in life, is that it just doesn’t happen.  You can take a look at your past and all the events that have bothered you to all different degree’s and you will learn, from your continued life experiences, that it just doesn’t happen.

There have been situations where I have sat there, literally for day’s, month’s, or in certain circumstances, years and thought that what someone has done to me has been so unfair.  No one in their wildest imagination would see their actions towards me justified by any means. I do tend to distance myself from people who hurt me, physically… but letting go and keeping your distance, mentally, is something that takes a little more discipline.


Do I believe in Karma?  Yes.  Did any of these individuals ever get what I felt they justly deserved to come back to them for treating me a certain way?  No.

Being imprisoned by these hurtful actions does not do anything except lock you into an emotional prison where you are left trapped, and unable to move forward in your own journey.

Don’t lose your joy.  Don’t function as a mediocre being when you try so hard to shine each and every day.

All the years you have waited for them to “make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.”

Lewis B. Smedes 

The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don’t Know How

The Baby Diaries: How I Found The Love Of My Life, Again!


Motherhood is a beautiful thing.  A true blessing from up above that i’ve never found comparable to anything else in my life.  It is a truly unique experience all on its own that has been not only the most rewarding experience, but also the most challenging.

As baby number 2 gets ready to make his big debut in 16 weeks I remember, all to well, the anxieties and worries of being a new mom.  There were no words, books, or affirmations that could prepare me for the transition.  My days literally went day by day, and to be honest they still do – my first-born is now 20 months old and it’s still a learning curve.

Opinions of others drove me nuts – especially from individuals who have not yet had their own, or from parents who had their children 10+ years or so ago that have blocked out having to wake up every hour, exhaustion, crying and lack of esthetic and domestic upkeep.  I know they meant well, but seriously … tell me in a few years from now, okay 😉

What I can tell you about my experience as a new mom was that I wish I had embraced it more – insanity, sleeplessness, chaotic cries … AND ALL.  If there is one thing that I can tell you is that not everyone wants, or has the option to have more than one child.  You do not necessarily have the opportunity to “do it again” and the hours and days you spend stressed, anxious and frustrated will all be gone way too soon and you will not necessarily have the option of “round 2”, so to speak.  The moments that challenge you are only a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things and then you will be on to something else that will test your patience.  Trust me, I live in the real world and I write this remembering all so clearly the dirty stinky diapers, the midnight visits from the “vomit monster”, hours or tears (from me) our of sheer frustration and insecurity … but in my mind I hear the “Mama Please”, and the “I ro ro” (meaning i love you) and my heart melts and I become a ball of emotional fuzzy warm mush. That is what being a parent is all about – we’ve never done this before.  There is no training manual, or flip or switch that gets things onto the smooth path … so every day and ever circumstance is new.  Learn to go with the flow.

When my son was a few months old, and I was just getting the hang of how to handle my newborn, the newborn stage became a distant memory.  As he grew a little bigger he began to sit up and crawl around … and then I missed the days that I could just hold him in my arms, so docile and calm.  And then he decided to walk and start saying words such as “no”, and “more” … and then I missed the days of just propping him up on a pillow and thinking how amazing it was that he was able to sit up and give me that little googly smile that told me he loved me.  I didn’t take those moments for granted, but the moments were only here for split seconds … and then gone, and I missed them.

If there was anything that I learned from the first year of my first child was to appreciate the moments.  Appreciate everything and be patient even with the most frustrating, and negative of feelings because it doesn’t last.  Don’t expect a perfect child because they don’t exist.  The perfect child IS your child.  Don’t put expectations on yourself.  Learn to love and embrace all of it.  Once you can genuinely say you’ve done that then your journey as a mom will be worth every sleepless night. I can promise you that much! 

I am honored to say that i’ve found the love of my life twice, and am excited meet my third in just a few short months.  I love my boys!