The past few weeks have been nothing less than challenging, confusing, and emotional. There are a lot of feelings, and memories that have been brought up from my childhood that I was never able to really see, or even remember, for what they are until now. Unfortunately, these memories have thrown me in to a state of emotional catastrophe. Things that were hidden in my subconscious for decades.
My childhood was not easy. Growing up in “that” household was not easy. Looking back now, the decisions that I made as a teenager, and young woman were in direct response to the way I was treated, or the experiences that I went through during my younger years.
Truth be told, I was a pretty messed up person for many many years. Allowing people to hurt me, enduring pain and continuing in situations that anyone who truly loved themselves would never have allowed themselves to stay in. It is all starting to make sense now, but it doesn’t change the emotions I feel when I realize why I turned out the way I did.
I try to remain positive, and happy and remind myself that some days are just ‘bad’, but the reality is that life is one big blessing and that challenges are meant to be there so that you can be reminded of the good. But there are some days that leave you feeling so defeated and overwhelmed that you don’t even know how to digest your thoughts so you are able to differentiate what makes sense, and what doesn’t.
When I am at my darkest I try to remind myself that they say that with pain comes healing. Although you are feeling your lowest, the hope is that it can only get better from that point forward. Fingers crossed.