The Art Of Forgiveness | The Most Precious Gift To Yourself

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I am the first to admit it – I let things fester, unnecessarily, to the point where I lose sleep, and dwell on things.  I get to the point where I attach all memories to a specific event, or person and I only see negative.  It turns all of my acquired human decency in prickly little attitude which takes away my shine.  It turns my happiness into frustration.  It take’s the quality of my joy and turns it into mediocre.  It take’s the authenticity out of me.

The thing about fairness in life, is that it just doesn’t happen.  You can take a look at your past and all the events that have bothered you to all different degree’s and you will learn, from your continued life experiences, that it just doesn’t happen.

There have been situations where I have sat there, literally for day’s, month’s, or in certain circumstances, years and thought that what someone has done to me has been so unfair.  No one in their wildest imagination would see their actions towards me justified by any means. I do tend to distance myself from people who hurt me, physically… but letting go and keeping your distance, mentally, is something that takes a little more discipline.

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Do I believe in Karma?  Yes.  Did any of these individuals ever get what I felt they justly deserved to come back to them for treating me a certain way?  No.

Being imprisoned by these hurtful actions does not do anything except lock you into an emotional prison where you are left trapped, and unable to move forward in your own journey.

Don’t lose your joy.  Don’t function as a mediocre being when you try so hard to shine each and every day.

All the years you have waited for them to “make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.”

Lewis B. Smedes 

The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don’t Know How

Keep It Simple, Stupid: Eliminating Stress In A Stress Induced World

 Life is about moving forward, right? … At least that’s what they tell me.  Some days I feel like I am in a rut.  I look at my life and feel like it is at a stand-still, and other days I feel like I am climbing straight up the ladder at an alarming rate … feeling like I am on top of the world and nothing could bring me down!

When I look at those “stand-still” days I have to wonder, what exactly is it that makes me feel like this?  Is it a person who has hurt my feelings? a circumstance in my life that I feel helpless and stressed out about?  …  sometimes it’s not anything – but just a nagging, “blah” feeling I have.  We’re allowed to have those days, right?

Most of the time, through my own experiences, there is, indeed, something to blame, or pinpoint.  Sometimes I am just not able to see that clearly.  Sometimes it’s a situation, or feeling that we’ve buried or tried to ignore that, over time, has manifested itself into our subconscious .. triggered by another stressor … and is now waving it’s hand right in front of your face saying, “Hey you!  Long time no see.  Remember me!!??”

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Some of the situations that i’ve noticed over time in my life, and my friends lives seem to be as follows; 

People Who Bring You Down:  Friendships, and relationships should help you, not bring you down.  Find time, and people who are similar to you – people who are smart, forward thinkers, positive and happy.  Surround yourself with people you bring you up, not down.

Work, Or A Career You Dislike:  Don’t settle.  This part of your life takes up SO much of your time – and for such a long duration of your life.  I don’t think that there is a job that we will necessarily love going to everyday, but there are jobs that we are suited for that bring out our best that we can excel in with some good efforts.  Find it.  Do your best, and feel rewarded.

Your Own Negativity:  Be aware of your mental thoughts.  We can be our own best friend, or our own worst enemy.  We wake up to our thoughts and go to bed with them. They are our prime influence.  What are you telling yourself on a daily basis?  Are your thoughts motivating, and positive? Be honest with this one.  It’s okay to have negative thoughts at times…. just don’t let it consume your mind.  Have your bad thought and move on to something positive.  Don’t stay in that grey area for too long … it is far to easy to become a habit.

Messy Living Area, And Workspace:  This one makes me cringe.  A house with a toddler is extremely hard to keep clean but there are no excuses for a messy work environment (if you have your own office).  Be responsible for your space.  A clean and organized area makes me feel great – motivated – clear minded.  I could go on and on about how it is good Feng Shui, and a great motivator to getting a good grasp on the tasks you need to complete –  I work my best in this kind of environment.  It helps me to stay focussed, and feel a sense of accomplishment as I work through my day.

Running Late:  I don’t know about your, but running late, or being late for an appointment is something that throws my whole day off.  Being prepared and organized sets my day on the right track and keeps it there.  Give yourself plenty of time for everything that you are going to do that day – try to enjoy the day as it goes by.  Don’t be stressed with not having enough hours in the day.  If your day gets to that point then be honest with yourself – have your overbooked?  Do you need to reorganize your day to give yourself enough time to do things properly? … Give 100% when you give, and if you can’t you should figure out how you can try to change it. Remember, there are 365 days in a year … rearranging your schedule to be sure that you are 100% prepared, and present can help keep your world from feeling chaotic.

Fitting In With The Crowd:  This can be especially true for our younger generation .. and now that I have children I admit that I sometimes feel this way – but most of the time I couldn’t care – well, at least in the comfort of my own home 😉  Sometimes we let the social scene get the better of us.  I did it when I was younger.  Try to stay true to who you are.  Be yourself, and love who you are.  Don’t conform to be a part of the crowd.  Over time you will realize that it doesn’t matter and much of the energy wasted is on the wrong people, and for the wrong reasons.  This one is all about trial and error.  I’ve learned over the years that my efforts to “fit in” really did go unnoticed.  Where are those people now, now that I stopped trying to fit in?  The real ones stick around because they care for you for who you are.

All Work No Play: GUILTY!!  life is about balance – so find it.  Think of life-like a scale … finding the balance equals harmony.  Letting one end of the scale outweigh the other only causes imbalance in our lives.

Debt:  This is a huge factor for so many people these days.  It’s so hard to avoid this because we live in a society where everything costs money.  In our generation it is so hard to move forward and so many of us try to – usually by accumulating mass amounts of debt, which only cause mass amounts of anxiety, and stress.  Try to remember that living a simple life is the best.  There are not a lot of things we need in this life – food, shelter, clothing, and friendships.  Yes, I love my designer handbags, and sunglasses, and clothes .. but truth be told.  I look back now at all of the money i’ve spent over the years and I feel a huge sense of guilt – mainly because I now look at my son and I think that there were not many things that really brought me true happiness.  The few things in my life that did – came in the form of my husband, and my son.  Things that I could never buy.

Dishonesty:  Living a life of lies, and being lied to are things that are not only hurtful but damaging to yourself, and potentially damaging to friendships that you do that to.  Being honest can cause awkwardness at times, but at the end of the day it helps me sleep at night.  I’ve been lied to many times before – and by people who are extremely close to me.  It hurts me a lot – but at the end of the day I remember that I go to sleep with a clear conscious.  If I was the liar, I don’t think I would sleep as well at night 😉

Infidelity:  Again – this has everything to do with being honest.  Be true to yourself.  Be true to those who you have in your life.  There is nothing more hurtful to me than knowing I hurt someone out of selfishness.  This is one of those things- If you are not happy – then work through it, or go in a different direction.  Don’t try to combine two different worlds thinking that you will find happiness – you won’t.  What I can guarantee you will find it guilt, negativity, and a whole lot of tears … by yourself!

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What many of us do not realize is that it is so easy to get back on that great path where we feel rewarded and fullfilled in life – all we need to do is eliminate the chaos and clutter, and keep our worlds simple.  Don’t overwhelm your lives with things you don’t need.  Figure out what you really need to survive.  At the end of the day this list can go on and on.  The point is that if you are living a life that is honest with yourself, you will eventually begin to feel a sense of fulfillment and positivity.  Now, I am not saying you will be skipping down the road feeling hunky dory 24/7, but you will find a world that has a lot less stressors, and chaos. 

Keep it simple and do good.  Good things are rewarded with good karma.  In the grand scheme of things i’de rather live a simple mediocre life filled with positives than a negative chaotic life that I don’t want to wake up to in the mornings.