The Art Of Forgiveness | The Most Precious Gift To Yourself

gift-of-forgiveness

I am the first to admit it – I let things fester, unnecessarily, to the point where I lose sleep, and dwell on things.  I get to the point where I attach all memories to a specific event, or person and I only see negative.  It turns all of my acquired human decency in prickly little attitude which takes away my shine.  It turns my happiness into frustration.  It take’s the quality of my joy and turns it into mediocre.  It take’s the authenticity out of me.

The thing about fairness in life, is that it just doesn’t happen.  You can take a look at your past and all the events that have bothered you to all different degree’s and you will learn, from your continued life experiences, that it just doesn’t happen.

There have been situations where I have sat there, literally for day’s, month’s, or in certain circumstances, years and thought that what someone has done to me has been so unfair.  No one in their wildest imagination would see their actions towards me justified by any means. I do tend to distance myself from people who hurt me, physically… but letting go and keeping your distance, mentally, is something that takes a little more discipline.

unforgiveness

Do I believe in Karma?  Yes.  Did any of these individuals ever get what I felt they justly deserved to come back to them for treating me a certain way?  No.

Being imprisoned by these hurtful actions does not do anything except lock you into an emotional prison where you are left trapped, and unable to move forward in your own journey.

Don’t lose your joy.  Don’t function as a mediocre being when you try so hard to shine each and every day.

All the years you have waited for them to “make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.”

Lewis B. Smedes 

The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don’t Know How

Advertisements

You Don’t Solve Your Problems, You Outgrow Them

554714

 

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Einstein

We all have problems. Some are big and some are small, some are important and some are not that important, some are urgent while others not so urgent, and of course, most of us think that problems need to be solved, right? Well,  problems don’t need to be solved, they need to be outgrown, because if we don’t outgrow them, it will take us a great deal of time to “solve” and “fix” them, and chances are that we will get stuck at that level.

We are meant to be constantly growing, constantly evolving and constantly learning from our mistakes, and also the mistakes of those around us, and when we have a problem, if we want to get rid of it, we shouldn’t spend too much time talking and thinking about it, because that will only make things worse. I always say to people, think not about those things you do not want, because that will only attract more of the things you don’t want, but rather, think about those things you do want, so you could get more of them. Think in positive terms, always! Don’t be pushed by your problems, but rather be led by your dreams.

The first thing we want to do, whenever we are faced with a difficult situation, is to imagine ourselves already free of those situations, to imagine how our lives would look like without those problems, and how would that make us feel. This is what we should be doing, because, if you ask me, people insist way too much on the problems they have, instead of focusing on the solutions and the results they want to get. Like attracts like, and if you invest your precious energy thinking about your problems instead of thinking about the solutions to those problems, you will definitely get stuck.

I once heard Wayne Dyer say that Abraham Maslow believed that 15 minutes was more than enough to spend on our problems. Whenever a patient would visit Maslow’s office, he would allow them to talk about their problems up to 15 minutes and then he would have them focus on the desired outcome. He wanted them to focus most of their time and energy talking about the things they wanted to achieve, on the solutions of their so called problems, not on the problems.

You see, when you spend too much time talking and focusing on the problems, you get too caught up, and it will be quite hard for you to detach from them, and see the big picture. You will start seeing your problems as being bigger than yourself, and you will be overwhelmed; you will have a hard time finding your way out; you will have a hard time outgrowing your problems, and chances are, that you will be outgrown by them.

And you know what? A lot of times, we don’t even perceive these problems, that we may encounter with, from an objective and realistic point of view, but rather from a subjective and distorted point of view. Many of our so called problems are only in our heads, and we need to learn how to see reality as it really is, we need to see facts as facts, and not based on what our mind and emotions tells us is real. How we feel about a certain thing or situation, doesn’t always mean that’s how everybody is going to be feeling about it; it doesn’t mean that’s how we should be feeling. It’s how we choose to respond to whatever comes our way that will eventually determine how we perceive the environment and the world we live in, and the amount of problems we will have. Our thoughts and perceptions about the world, will eventually create our reality, and it depends on us, whether we choose to see the words as loving, or not so loving.

We need to learn not to sweat the small stuff, because you see, a lot of our problems are just that, small stuff. When you are too caught up in whatever it is that you perceive as being negative, wrong, disturbing, etc., you no longer see reality as it is, you no longer see things as they are. It’s crucial that you understand this, because if you don’t, you will always see yourself as being just a small person with really big problems, you will always see yourself as being a victim.

The idea is, for you to stop trying so hard, to stop talking to everybody you meet about your miserable and unhappy life, about your horrible, and impossible to overcome, problems, because that’s not how you will get rid of them. Like attracts like, and if you direct your energy in the wrong direction, you will be overwhelmed and you will be unhappy for the rest of your life, because, the way you see it, your problems are way bigger than you are, and they are the ones who are controlling your life, not you!

You are bigger than all of your problems, and you have to see yourself as being that way. Detach yourself from whatever it is that is happening to you, with you, and all around you. Step out of your mind and try seeing things objectively. By doing so will you be able to see yourself as being bigger that all your problems. By doing so you will feel in control of your life and no problem will be bigger than you are.

 

Source:  http://www.purposefairy.com