A Moon Will Rise From My Darkness

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The past few weeks have been nothing less than challenging, confusing, and emotional.   There are a lot of feelings, and memories that have been brought up from my childhood that I was never able to really see, or even remember, for what they are until now.  Unfortunately, these memories have thrown me in to a state of emotional catastrophe.  Things that were hidden in my subconscious for decades.

My childhood was not easy.  Growing up in “that” household was not easy.  Looking back now, the decisions that I made as a teenager, and young woman were in direct response to the way I was treated, or the experiences that I went through during my younger years.

Truth be told, I was a pretty messed up person for many many years.  Allowing people to hurt me, enduring pain and continuing in situations that anyone who truly loved themselves would never have allowed themselves to stay in.  It is all starting to make sense now, but it doesn’t change the emotions I feel when I realize why I turned out the way I did.9e5bc0f7d2b2be021968e110b86953e6

I try to remain positive, and happy and remind myself that some days are just ‘bad’, but the reality is that life is one big blessing and that challenges are meant to be there so that you can be reminded of the good.  But there are some days that leave you feeling so defeated and overwhelmed that you don’t even know how to digest your thoughts so you are able to differentiate what makes sense, and what doesn’t.

When I am at my darkest I try to remind myself that they say that with pain comes healing.  Although you are feeling your lowest, the hope is that it can only get better from that point forward.  Fingers crossed.27b51aa4dc95e0cfd1eaa7b15c28f128

 

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Exactly Where I Am Meant To Be

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I question my life sometimes.  I wonder where I am going, and where ill end up.  It feels like every time we get to “that” place in life, the place where we thought we longed to be, we feel like we need to push further, farther.  Unsatisfied?  or bored?  Why do we never feel like we have run through the finish line?

I remember when I was younger.  My goals were to get married, and have children, both of which I accomplished.  It may have taken a while longer than I had anticipated, but I made it, I am here, but I feel like I am supposed to be reaching for more, pushing myself further, setting new goals to reach, but what is it that needs to be accomplished?  What is it that I need to do to make my life satiating?

Sometimes along the way obstacles fall in your path, and you questions where you are going.  I sit here right now and wonder if this is where I am meant to be?  Did I grow up for all of those years and make it to that place that I always dreamed of?  Is this the place in life that I always wanted to be?  Did I make myself proud? Did I make my family proud? I am here, but sometimes it feel like I am missing steps, or I skipped the obvious along the way.

Life truly is a work in progress, and the sooner we realize this and just enjoy the journey, the sooner we will realize that is life and what it is truly about – enjoying the moments, and appreciating everything that they have to offer.

The Art Of Forgiveness | The Most Precious Gift To Yourself

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I am the first to admit it – I let things fester, unnecessarily, to the point where I lose sleep, and dwell on things.  I get to the point where I attach all memories to a specific event, or person and I only see negative.  It turns all of my acquired human decency in prickly little attitude which takes away my shine.  It turns my happiness into frustration.  It take’s the quality of my joy and turns it into mediocre.  It take’s the authenticity out of me.

The thing about fairness in life, is that it just doesn’t happen.  You can take a look at your past and all the events that have bothered you to all different degree’s and you will learn, from your continued life experiences, that it just doesn’t happen.

There have been situations where I have sat there, literally for day’s, month’s, or in certain circumstances, years and thought that what someone has done to me has been so unfair.  No one in their wildest imagination would see their actions towards me justified by any means. I do tend to distance myself from people who hurt me, physically… but letting go and keeping your distance, mentally, is something that takes a little more discipline.

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Do I believe in Karma?  Yes.  Did any of these individuals ever get what I felt they justly deserved to come back to them for treating me a certain way?  No.

Being imprisoned by these hurtful actions does not do anything except lock you into an emotional prison where you are left trapped, and unable to move forward in your own journey.

Don’t lose your joy.  Don’t function as a mediocre being when you try so hard to shine each and every day.

All the years you have waited for them to “make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.”

Lewis B. Smedes 

The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don’t Know How

4 Important Lessons You Learn Through Difficult Times, by MAURA HUGHES

While difficult times can feel like a deep dark hole that we can’t escape and we often wonder “Why is this happening to me?”, there is a silver lining to tough times. It’s through the difficult times in our life, that we are able to grow. It’s when we are tested that we are able to rise, push through and come out the other side stronger, braver and bet

No one wants to struggle. No one wants to even admit their struggling. We all want to have Photoshopped versions of our own lives that fit perfectly into an Instagram square. But life does not work like that. Every one of us will be faced with a variety of tough times in their life. It is one of the few things we can really count on.

The truth is, there are some important lessons in life that we are only taught through difficult times and they can become the silver lining to the darkness.

1. Who your real friends are.

It’s an unfortunate and often time brutal truth to learn that someone we once thought would be there no matter can’t be counted on. Difficult times have a unique way of trimming off the fat in our lives. If someone does not truly care, they will not make the effort to be there. End of story. The realization that someone you love doesn’t make you a priority can knock you off your feet but it will save you time and energy that would have been spent trying to be there for them in the future. Eventually, you will learn who really matters, you will be grateful for them and you will have cleared out some emotional space for someone who will be there for you, through thick and thin.

2. The depth of your strength.

“It builds character,” was my mom’s favorite response to any complaint I had growing up. As annoying as that line was, it is true. Nothing builds our strength like surviving difficulty. Nothing forces us to leverage what we have, dig deep and come up with every ounce of integrity, patience and strength like a hard time. When you survive something, your internal scoreboard registers it. Imagine as if your internal synapses are pushing an extra win into your win/loss column and the next time you go into battle, your will take an inventory of what your winning record is and bulk up your confidence that you can survive and thrive, no matter what you are facing.

3. What really matters in life. 

Difficult times tend to turn our worlds upside down and anything that is nailed down to the floor will go flying. Sometimes it’s comforting to know what actually does stick, what is still hanging in there after the world goes awry. Because when we’re right side up again, we’ll be able to look a little more closely at those things, take a bit better care of them and love them even more for being unmovable. Most of us spend most of our days worrying about everything but what we should be worrying about. But after a difficult time, we’re less likely to worry as much about the little things and focusing on those unmovable pieces in our life that really matter.

4. How to be grateful. 

Difficult times leave us with a lasting impression. They alter us and change the way we view our lives. We have learned who and what matters in our life and undoubtedly we have a greater appreciation for them. Surviving hardship gives us a broader perspective on what hardship really is. You will look back on the things you use to complain about and be thankful they are your only worries. After we have survived a difficult time, we are given a deep gratitude for our life.

Difficult times will happen. To find the light, we have to go through the darkness and while you’re in the midst of it, try to take a deep breath and remember that the lessons you are learning will shift your view of life. You will learn what matters, who matters, how strong you are and how lucky you are to exist. That’s what difficult times teach us and they are some of the most important lessons we can ever learn.

Original Post; http://www.purposefairy.com/80874/4-important-lessons-you-learn-through-difficult-times/

Loss: A Journey Of Survival

Dealing with loss is never an easy process.  It can take the joy right out of your soul in seconds, and change everything you have every know.   It can even change you.  Are you ever the same after losing someone?

There are all kinds of loss.  Loss of a parents, grandparents, siblings, children, friends.  Loss of ideas, concepts, and hopes.  Loss of dignity, pride and self.  It doesn’t matter whom, or what the loss is, it all ends in the same way – pain, confusion, hurt, anger.  It can put us in a very dark place.  A place that is there which leaves us questioning our meaning of existence, our beliefs, and ourselves.

I’ve had a lot of losses in my life.  My first “loss” was when my parents divorced.  I was six years old and I remember the time period – it stands still in my mind.  It’s a whirlwind of events, but for some reason the moments I remember are played so slowly.  My parents were just not meant to be, and I clearly understand that now, as a grown woman, but as a little girl my world was shattered.  I remember asking my Dad to stay in my room so that I could sleep.  I asked him to sit beside me for nights because I feared losing him.  I feared waking up and not finding him there anymore – not knowing where he went.  Life as I knew it was different from the rest of my friends and I was scared.  I did not understand the concept of Mommy and Daddy not being together anymore.  What did that mean for me?

Years later I lost my Grandfather. This was the first time I had physically lost someone.  I lived in a different city, and remember the phone call from my Dad.  Hearing words of loss is never easy.  Trying to figure out how to deal with it is something that you are unaware of when you are 13 years old.  I cried, as I hurt.  I lost my Grandpa – which little girl doesn’t cry?  I was a child still.

Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” ~ Unknown

1998 was one of my most challenging years.  I was working with elderly people.  Loss was inevitable in this job.  It was also the year that my Step-Dad and Grandma were both diagnosed with cancer.  I remember that summer being filled with confusion, and many tears.  Cancer is a hellish disease.  I thought I was “trained”.  My medical experiences had prepared me.  I had a full understanding of how this disease would take its toll, and take the very life from my loved ones.  Watching them die in front of you is much different from receiving news on the phone – I took a leave of absence from my job and devoted my time, knowledge, experience and love to both of these people, my family members.  I took over palliative care – spent nights in the Cancer Agency, and palliative care homes. My efforts of love and devotion could not win the battles that were in their lives, and eight weeks apart was just too much for me.  I looked at death in a different way now – I was scared of it, and it had its control on my life.  I was scared to drive, I was scared of my loved ones driving,  I was scared of accidents, I was scared of disease.  I went so far as to not order food from a restaurant for delivery for fear of something happening to the delivery man and me being responsible for taking away someone from this earth who was loved my friends and family in their lives.  I was scared of everything in this world that would potentially take away someone I knew, someone I cared for, or worse – someone I loved.

One could say I did not handle this well … and nearly 20 years later I still feel scared of death.  I’ve lost more friends, and family.  And each time it takes away my faith in reality in this whole life process.

If you don’t realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. You can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready. Lao Tzu

And then loss, at its finest … miscarriage.  This is not only a physical loss, but this is an emotional loss.  Horrific, and indescribable.  I have had two successful pregnancies between 2011 – 2013 and have two beautiful boys.  Why would I think that this would happen to me?  But apparently,”This is common”, they would tell me.  “We are surprised this has not happened to you yet!”, another would say.  Wait? What?  Am I really hearing this?  The idea of not seeing my babies heartbeat on my ultrasound, or feeling them kick and move in my belly was sad enough, but the reality of “what could have been” broke my heart to pieces.  What would my baby have looked like?  What would she, or he have grown up to love?  Would they have had the most beautiful smile, just like my two boys?  What caused this?  Was it me?  Was is God’s plan?  Was I being punished?  What did I do wrong to deserve this? Am a I horrible person?  What did I do in my past live to deserve this?  Did someone hate me so much that they wished this upon me?

My baby would have been born last week, and so i’ve sat here going through the motions and trying to understand loss a little better.  Making an effort for Loss and I to become pal’s so I can empathize a little easier.  What is it that causes us the tears, that horrible ache in your heart, the feeling that causes those uncontrollable tears.  Because my mind wants to identify it, and grab it and throw it away and never think of it again, or do I?  If I am able to figure out what I can do to block those emotions does that make me a horrible person?  Heartless?

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable love.  ~ Washington Irving

I realize now that it is nothing that anyone can prepare for, prevent, or even accept gracefully.  Loss is horrible, and it breaks you down.  Only time can heal, and that is because of the distance it creates between you, and when it happened.  Time … will eventually heal all losses.

And after the tears stop I sit back and think just how lucky I am to be alive and to have experienced all of these memories, especially the ones that hurt so much, the losses that broke me into pieces, and tore my soul apart.  I pick up the mess I have turned into, and I remind myself that I hurt because I loved so much, because I cared so much, because I let things matter to me from the deepest parts of my being … because at the end of the day what it comes down to is that some people are never this lucky.  I am blessed.

 

 

 

Catharsis: Steps To Finding Emotional Healing In Trying Times

I sit here, and I start to write about friendships, and quality, and frustrations, and toxic people, and closure and walking way and I find myself frustrated and saddened because that is not what I really want to be writing about.  I want to talk positive things, and get this miserable mess of a feeling off of my chest because it feels like it weighs about 50 lb., and it’s a very heavy load to be carrying around, and there’s another part of me that want’s to say … “nah, not you again.  Could you please stay away today?”

I want to be positive, and write positive, but lately I feel like I have just been smacked back and forth, and back and forth by the karma gods.  I really am not sure what I have done to deserve this, but then I also remembered reading this quote a while ago which did help to change my perspective.  I try to think of it frequently.
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And so how absolutely fabulous it is, just by changing your perspective, for that one moment, to think that instead of being drowned under water, held underneath life, and struggling in a world that we just cannot manage to keep afloat in, we are being cleansed – refreshed from all of the toxic, negative, chaos that we are just so over whelmed with in our lives.  This is how I choose to think of it today;
ca·thar·tic
adjective
providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis.  crying is a cathartic release
I love this word.  Who doesn’t love a word so strong that just by saying it could make you feel as though you have been picked up by the strongest of person, given the greatest of hugs, and made to be felt like you are on top of the world again – exactly where you were longing to be – safe, and taken care of.
Unfortunately, sometimes it is not as simple as just saying a word, though – but here are a few steps that I hope to remind myself to following when I do become overwhelmed next time – as I know I will.  I am human, and I do notice that I do follow a pattern when it comes to emotional hurdles.
Steps To Finding Emotional Healing:
Take Time Alone:
Take some time alone and figure out the emotions that are making you feel negative. Was it a person, situation, feeling.
Let It Go:  
Write, Cry, Scream, Let the emotions out.  Find a way that works for YOU – everyone is different and we all have a different way of dealing with things.  The trick is not to let things internalizing.  Internalizing things is what makes us hurt, and most likely why we are reading this right now.
Let Time Pass:
Sometimes it may take a day, or two, even weeks or months for things to digest.  Some of the things that may be causing you pain can be really heavy situations that you may not even know how to deal with.  Sometimes they are simply easier to deal with than others.  Sometimes we are at different points in our emotional journey which makes dealing with external negatives  at different times in our paths easier on different days than others.
Repeat:
Don’t be too quick to make these things go away.   You have your own rate at how your body digests emotional hurdles, and your time when you are ready to move on to the next chapter in your lives.  Do not put a timeline on things.  Expectations will only frustrate you and bring more stress to an already stressful situation.  Appreciate yourself enough to give yourself the time you need to heal.
Talk to someone you trust, someone with positive energy about things that have hurt you.  Perhaps their perspective, and guidance can bring great insight to the situation.  Sometimes just speaking out loud about the situation will help to ease the pain.

Eliminating Anger: Rid Yourself Of The Toxic


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Negative energy is all around us.  It’s one of the most consistent emotions in our world.  Negatives come in all forms – jealousy, rage, disappointment, anger etc…  When these feelings creep up on us it is very important to analyze exactly what it is that has us feeling so.  It is extremely important to peel back the layers and find the exact cause of what is bothering us.

Negative emotions and reactions can be uncomfortable for everyone – epecially ourselves.  We give off a certain energy that everyone can see – I am not good at hiding when I feel this way – it’s written all over my face.  This toxic energy can cause a lot of health issues in the long run if we do not deal with things.  I am guilty of not doing so, and with those particular actions I have taken situations that I have not even been upset with and made them into the primary thing I am feeling negative about.  By avoiding situations, people, feelings etc… they can linger over into an area of your life that is not effected – and unfortunately, when we do that it can blow up in our faces.

I tend to try and sweep the negatives under the rug, but sometimes there are situations that arise and I catch myself getting worked up over something that really hasn’t even been the primary reason of why I am so worked up.  Dealing with negatives as they arise has been the healthiest choice i’ve made in some time … it eases the stress that is simmering under the lid – it gives me a sense of peace when I find “closure” to situations that I may feel anxious about – it keeps me in an honest place holding me accountable for the negatives that I bring into my personal space.  This is particularly important if you are emotional, and empathetic.

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I found this great little exercise online about how to rid yourself of negative energies by forgiving people/ situations as they arise.  I will share it with you here:

 

Method of Letting Go Of Anger

Here is what you say in the releasing technique: (simplified version that I use on myself and with my clients)

I give myself permission and I am ready to release all the anger to divine light that is caused (repeat the situation that causes your anger) and from my cellular memory and from my body in all time lines.

Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Then say the following:

I am also ready to forgive (name of person who caused your anger) in all time lines and myself for carrying this anger in all time lines.

Breathe deeply again and imagine letting go of anger and all the anger releasing from your body to divine light.

If you feel that you need extra help in letting go of anger, call on Arch Angel Raphael to help you to release your anger and also to heal your cellular memory and your body.

If you do this exercise with clear and focused intention, you will heal your body and cellular memory of anger and other toxic emotions.

But, it is important to realize that there are many layers of anger within your body, so you may have to do this each time you get angry. Eventually, you will feel and see a difference – your feelings of anger towards others will diminish.

Each time you do this exercise, it is important to forgive the one you are feeling angry towards, and also yourself.

Forgiveness is choosing to change a thought, belief and an emotion with respect to other people and situations. As everything in the Universe is energy, forgiveness is also a process of transforming energy. Forgiveness is a choice as is not forgiving. When there is someone in your life that you think you cannot forgive, then the energy of that person and situation remains within your aura. 

Forgiveness is taken from Forgiveness: Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness

You have been storing negative emotions within yourself throughout your life time, so it will take time to release all the toxicity within your body.

Each time you do this exercise, drink lots of water to help flush out the toxicity within your system.

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Natural Homeopathic Remedies For Anger

If you find that your negative emotions such as anger have taken over your thoughts and behavior, there is a 100% herbal remedy which I recommend called Universal Homeopathic from Pure Herbs Ltd. . It contains:

  • Support Group – Rescue Remedy developed by Dr.Edward Bach, an English physician which corrects tension and emotional disorders following shock, panic, mental stress and tension
  • Willow – for those who are resentful or bitter over adverse events which have befallen them, and they feel undeserving of life’s injustices
  • Holly – for those who are disturbed by feelings of hate, jealousy, envy, suspicion, and revenge, for strong states antipathetic to love
  • Crab Apple – for those who have a poor self-image or who feel shame and unattractiveness
  • Honeysuckle – for those who have feelings of nostalgia and homesickness; instead of living in the present they are preoccupied with ‘the good old days’.

Directions: Take 3 drops on or under the tongue or rubbed into pulse points. If an attack of the problem occurs, put 12 drops in a cup of liquid and sips lowly until the feeling lifts.

 

 

Until you have released much of your anger, here are other 100% natural Homeopathic remedies from Pure Herbs that will help you to keep you calm.

  • Blue Vervain sometimes referred to as Herbal Veneris, wild Hyssop or Indian Hyssop. it is known as a sedative and is used in the treatment of nervous conditions such as hysteria and depression. Since it is also known as a diuretic it is used in the treatment of kidney disorders.
  • N.-W This is a combination of Lady’s slipper, Blue Vervain, Scullcap, Hops and Valerian Root. This combination is complete to repair, calm and stabilize the nerves. It also eliminates tension. It promotes better co-ordination and control of the body functions controlled by the brain.

 

I am definitely trying this and have seen an improvement in the way I feel.  I am definitely an emotional person so when dealing with people and situations that leave me feeling drained I tend to stew over them, over analyze them until I am completely exhausted.  This exercise keeps you in the present dealing with the exact issue that has you feeling negative and placing closure on the situation so you can move on from that feeling.

 

You can find the details of this article through the following link

http://www.beyond-hearing-voices.com/letting-go-of-anger.html