4 Important Lessons You Learn Through Difficult Times, by MAURA HUGHES

While difficult times can feel like a deep dark hole that we can’t escape and we often wonder “Why is this happening to me?”, there is a silver lining to tough times. It’s through the difficult times in our life, that we are able to grow. It’s when we are tested that we are able to rise, push through and come out the other side stronger, braver and bet

No one wants to struggle. No one wants to even admit their struggling. We all want to have Photoshopped versions of our own lives that fit perfectly into an Instagram square. But life does not work like that. Every one of us will be faced with a variety of tough times in their life. It is one of the few things we can really count on.

The truth is, there are some important lessons in life that we are only taught through difficult times and they can become the silver lining to the darkness.

1. Who your real friends are.

It’s an unfortunate and often time brutal truth to learn that someone we once thought would be there no matter can’t be counted on. Difficult times have a unique way of trimming off the fat in our lives. If someone does not truly care, they will not make the effort to be there. End of story. The realization that someone you love doesn’t make you a priority can knock you off your feet but it will save you time and energy that would have been spent trying to be there for them in the future. Eventually, you will learn who really matters, you will be grateful for them and you will have cleared out some emotional space for someone who will be there for you, through thick and thin.

2. The depth of your strength.

“It builds character,” was my mom’s favorite response to any complaint I had growing up. As annoying as that line was, it is true. Nothing builds our strength like surviving difficulty. Nothing forces us to leverage what we have, dig deep and come up with every ounce of integrity, patience and strength like a hard time. When you survive something, your internal scoreboard registers it. Imagine as if your internal synapses are pushing an extra win into your win/loss column and the next time you go into battle, your will take an inventory of what your winning record is and bulk up your confidence that you can survive and thrive, no matter what you are facing.

3. What really matters in life. 

Difficult times tend to turn our worlds upside down and anything that is nailed down to the floor will go flying. Sometimes it’s comforting to know what actually does stick, what is still hanging in there after the world goes awry. Because when we’re right side up again, we’ll be able to look a little more closely at those things, take a bit better care of them and love them even more for being unmovable. Most of us spend most of our days worrying about everything but what we should be worrying about. But after a difficult time, we’re less likely to worry as much about the little things and focusing on those unmovable pieces in our life that really matter.

4. How to be grateful. 

Difficult times leave us with a lasting impression. They alter us and change the way we view our lives. We have learned who and what matters in our life and undoubtedly we have a greater appreciation for them. Surviving hardship gives us a broader perspective on what hardship really is. You will look back on the things you use to complain about and be thankful they are your only worries. After we have survived a difficult time, we are given a deep gratitude for our life.

Difficult times will happen. To find the light, we have to go through the darkness and while you’re in the midst of it, try to take a deep breath and remember that the lessons you are learning will shift your view of life. You will learn what matters, who matters, how strong you are and how lucky you are to exist. That’s what difficult times teach us and they are some of the most important lessons we can ever learn.

Original Post; http://www.purposefairy.com/80874/4-important-lessons-you-learn-through-difficult-times/

She Was Done: A Magnificent Read by Adrienne Pieroth

pia1

She was done not fully being herself.

She realized she was the only self she could be—and not being unapologetically true to herself was a disservice to her soul and the world.

She was done listening to the noise of the world. She realized the quiet voice of her own soul was the most beautiful sound.

She was done questioning her motives, her intentions, the call of her soul. She realized questions seek answers, and maybe she already knew the answers.

She was done striving, forcing, pushing through and staying on the hard path. She realized toughing things out might be a sign to pick another path.

She was done with friends that admonished her to be more light and breezy. She realized they didn’t understand she swam in the deep waters of life, she felt at home in their dark depths and died if she lived on the surface.

She was done with the distractions, the denials, the small addictions that pulled her away from the true desires of her soul. She realized that strength of character came from focus and commitment.

She was done not following the desires that yelled out in her soul every day. She realized if she did nothing about them, they died a quiet death that took a piece of her soul with them.

She was done with dinner parties and cocktail hours where conversations skimmed the surface of life. She realized the beverages created distortion and a temporary happiness that wasn’t real and disappeared in the light of the day.

She was done trying to please everyone. She realized it could never be done.

She was done questioning herself. She realized her heart knew the truth and she needed to follow it.

She was done analyzing all the options, weighing the pros and cons and trying to figure everything out before leaping. She realized that taking a leap implied not fully seeing where she landed.

She was done battling with herself, trying to change who she knew herself to be. She realized the world made it hard enough to fully be herself, so why add to the challenge.

She was done worrying, as if worry was the price she had to pay to make it all turn out okay. She realized worry didn’t need to be part of the process.

She was done apologizing and playing small to make others feel comfortable and fit in. She realized fitting in was overrated and shining her light made others brave enough to do the same.

She was done with the should’s, ought to’s and have to’s of the world. She realized the only must’s in her life came from things that beat so strong in her soul, she couldn’t not do them.

She was done with remorse and could have’s. She realized hindsight never applies because circumstances always look different in the rearview mirror and you experience life looking through the front window.

She was done with friendships based on shared history and past experiences. She realized if friends couldn’t grow together, or were no longer following the same path, it was okay to let them go.

She was done trying to fit in—be part of the popular crowd. She realized the price she had to pay to be included was too high and betrayed her soul.

She was done not trusting. She realized she had placed her trust in people that were untrustworthy—so she would start with the person she could trust the most—herself.

She was done being tired. She realized it came from spending her time doing things that didn’t bring her joy or feed her soul.

She was done trying to figure it all out, know the answers, plan everything and see all the possibilities before she began. She realized life was unfolding and that the detours and unexpected moments were some of the best parts.

She was done needing to be understood by anyone but herself. She realized she was the only person she would spend her whole with and understanding herself was more important than being understood by others.

She was done looking for love. She realized loving and accepting herself was the best kind of love and the seed from which all other love started.

She was done fighting, trying to change or not her accepting her body. She realized the body she came into the world with was the only one she had—there were no exchanges or returns—so love and acceptance was the only way.

She was done being tuned in, connected and up-to-date all the time. She realized the news and noise of the world was always there—a cacophony that never slowed or fell quiet and that listening to the silence of her soul was a better station to tune into.

She was done beating herself up and being so hard on herself as if either of these things led to changes or made her feel better. She realized kindness and compassion towards herself and others accomplished more.

She was done comparing and looking at other people’s lives as a mirror for her own. She realized holding her own mirror cast her in the best, most beautiful light.

She was done being quiet, unemotional and holding her tongue. She realized her voice and her emotions could be traced back to her deepest desires and longings. if she only followed their thread.

She was done having to be right. She realized everyone’s truth was relative and personal to themselves, so the only right that was required was the one that felt true for her.

She was done not feeling at home in the world. She realized she might never feel at home in the world, but that feeling at home in her soul was enough.

She was done being drained by others—by people who didn’t want to take the time for their own process and saw shortcuts though hers. She realized she could share her experience, but everyone needed to do the work themselves.

She was done thinking she had so much to learn. She realized she already knew so much, if she only listened.

She was done trying to change others or make them see things. She realized she could only lead by example and whether they saw or followed was up to them.

She was done with the inner critic. She realized its voice was not her own.

She was done racing and being discontent with where she was. She realized the present moment held all it needed to get her to the next moment. It wasn’t out there—it was right here.

She was done seeing hurt as something to be avoided, foreseen or somehow her fault. She realized hurt shaped her as much as joy and she needed both to learn and grow.

She was done judging. She realized judging assumed the presence of right and wrong—and that there was a difference between using information to inform and making someone else wrong.

She was done jumping to conclusions. She realized she only needed to ask.

She was done with regrets. She realized if she had known better she would have done better.

She was done being angry. She realized anger was just a flashlight that showed her what she was most scared of and once it illuminated what she needed to see, she no longer needed to hold on to it.

She was done being sad. She realized sorrow arose when she betrayed her own soul and made choices that weren’t true to herself.

She was done playing small. She realized if others couldn’t handle her light, it was because they were afraid of their own.

She was done with the facades and the pretending. She realized masks were suffocating and claustrophobic.

She was done with others’ criticism and complaints. She realized they told her nothing about herself—only informed her of their perspective.

She was done yelling above the noise of the world. She realized living out loud could be done quietly.

She was done needing permission, validation or the authority. She realized she was her her own authority.

She was done being something she was not. She realized the purpose of life was to be truly, happily who she was born to be,and if she paused long enough to remember, she recognized herself.

Catharsis: Steps To Finding Emotional Healing In Trying Times

I sit here, and I start to write about friendships, and quality, and frustrations, and toxic people, and closure and walking way and I find myself frustrated and saddened because that is not what I really want to be writing about.  I want to talk positive things, and get this miserable mess of a feeling off of my chest because it feels like it weighs about 50 lb., and it’s a very heavy load to be carrying around, and there’s another part of me that want’s to say … “nah, not you again.  Could you please stay away today?”

I want to be positive, and write positive, but lately I feel like I have just been smacked back and forth, and back and forth by the karma gods.  I really am not sure what I have done to deserve this, but then I also remembered reading this quote a while ago which did help to change my perspective.  I try to think of it frequently.
244390717249841007_4hlnqBib_c
And so how absolutely fabulous it is, just by changing your perspective, for that one moment, to think that instead of being drowned under water, held underneath life, and struggling in a world that we just cannot manage to keep afloat in, we are being cleansed – refreshed from all of the toxic, negative, chaos that we are just so over whelmed with in our lives.  This is how I choose to think of it today;
ca·thar·tic
adjective
providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions; causing catharsis.  crying is a cathartic release
I love this word.  Who doesn’t love a word so strong that just by saying it could make you feel as though you have been picked up by the strongest of person, given the greatest of hugs, and made to be felt like you are on top of the world again – exactly where you were longing to be – safe, and taken care of.
Unfortunately, sometimes it is not as simple as just saying a word, though – but here are a few steps that I hope to remind myself to following when I do become overwhelmed next time – as I know I will.  I am human, and I do notice that I do follow a pattern when it comes to emotional hurdles.
Steps To Finding Emotional Healing:
Take Time Alone:
Take some time alone and figure out the emotions that are making you feel negative. Was it a person, situation, feeling.
Let It Go:  
Write, Cry, Scream, Let the emotions out.  Find a way that works for YOU – everyone is different and we all have a different way of dealing with things.  The trick is not to let things internalizing.  Internalizing things is what makes us hurt, and most likely why we are reading this right now.
Let Time Pass:
Sometimes it may take a day, or two, even weeks or months for things to digest.  Some of the things that may be causing you pain can be really heavy situations that you may not even know how to deal with.  Sometimes they are simply easier to deal with than others.  Sometimes we are at different points in our emotional journey which makes dealing with external negatives  at different times in our paths easier on different days than others.
Repeat:
Don’t be too quick to make these things go away.   You have your own rate at how your body digests emotional hurdles, and your time when you are ready to move on to the next chapter in your lives.  Do not put a timeline on things.  Expectations will only frustrate you and bring more stress to an already stressful situation.  Appreciate yourself enough to give yourself the time you need to heal.
Talk to someone you trust, someone with positive energy about things that have hurt you.  Perhaps their perspective, and guidance can bring great insight to the situation.  Sometimes just speaking out loud about the situation will help to ease the pain.

Eliminating Anger: Rid Yourself Of The Toxic


32102_20121105_122212_tumblr_mch94yJube1rzmi5do1_500-1
Negative energy is all around us.  It’s one of the most consistent emotions in our world.  Negatives come in all forms – jealousy, rage, disappointment, anger etc…  When these feelings creep up on us it is very important to analyze exactly what it is that has us feeling so.  It is extremely important to peel back the layers and find the exact cause of what is bothering us.

Negative emotions and reactions can be uncomfortable for everyone – epecially ourselves.  We give off a certain energy that everyone can see – I am not good at hiding when I feel this way – it’s written all over my face.  This toxic energy can cause a lot of health issues in the long run if we do not deal with things.  I am guilty of not doing so, and with those particular actions I have taken situations that I have not even been upset with and made them into the primary thing I am feeling negative about.  By avoiding situations, people, feelings etc… they can linger over into an area of your life that is not effected – and unfortunately, when we do that it can blow up in our faces.

I tend to try and sweep the negatives under the rug, but sometimes there are situations that arise and I catch myself getting worked up over something that really hasn’t even been the primary reason of why I am so worked up.  Dealing with negatives as they arise has been the healthiest choice i’ve made in some time … it eases the stress that is simmering under the lid – it gives me a sense of peace when I find “closure” to situations that I may feel anxious about – it keeps me in an honest place holding me accountable for the negatives that I bring into my personal space.  This is particularly important if you are emotional, and empathetic.

Screen Shot 2014-08-07 at 6.51.28 AM

I found this great little exercise online about how to rid yourself of negative energies by forgiving people/ situations as they arise.  I will share it with you here:

 

Method of Letting Go Of Anger

Here is what you say in the releasing technique: (simplified version that I use on myself and with my clients)

I give myself permission and I am ready to release all the anger to divine light that is caused (repeat the situation that causes your anger) and from my cellular memory and from my body in all time lines.

Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Then say the following:

I am also ready to forgive (name of person who caused your anger) in all time lines and myself for carrying this anger in all time lines.

Breathe deeply again and imagine letting go of anger and all the anger releasing from your body to divine light.

If you feel that you need extra help in letting go of anger, call on Arch Angel Raphael to help you to release your anger and also to heal your cellular memory and your body.

If you do this exercise with clear and focused intention, you will heal your body and cellular memory of anger and other toxic emotions.

But, it is important to realize that there are many layers of anger within your body, so you may have to do this each time you get angry. Eventually, you will feel and see a difference – your feelings of anger towards others will diminish.

Each time you do this exercise, it is important to forgive the one you are feeling angry towards, and also yourself.

Forgiveness is choosing to change a thought, belief and an emotion with respect to other people and situations. As everything in the Universe is energy, forgiveness is also a process of transforming energy. Forgiveness is a choice as is not forgiving. When there is someone in your life that you think you cannot forgive, then the energy of that person and situation remains within your aura. 

Forgiveness is taken from Forgiveness: Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness

You have been storing negative emotions within yourself throughout your life time, so it will take time to release all the toxicity within your body.

Each time you do this exercise, drink lots of water to help flush out the toxicity within your system.

9302247948_0c851d0082_z

Natural Homeopathic Remedies For Anger

If you find that your negative emotions such as anger have taken over your thoughts and behavior, there is a 100% herbal remedy which I recommend called Universal Homeopathic from Pure Herbs Ltd. . It contains:

  • Support Group – Rescue Remedy developed by Dr.Edward Bach, an English physician which corrects tension and emotional disorders following shock, panic, mental stress and tension
  • Willow – for those who are resentful or bitter over adverse events which have befallen them, and they feel undeserving of life’s injustices
  • Holly – for those who are disturbed by feelings of hate, jealousy, envy, suspicion, and revenge, for strong states antipathetic to love
  • Crab Apple – for those who have a poor self-image or who feel shame and unattractiveness
  • Honeysuckle – for those who have feelings of nostalgia and homesickness; instead of living in the present they are preoccupied with ‘the good old days’.

Directions: Take 3 drops on or under the tongue or rubbed into pulse points. If an attack of the problem occurs, put 12 drops in a cup of liquid and sips lowly until the feeling lifts.

 

 

Until you have released much of your anger, here are other 100% natural Homeopathic remedies from Pure Herbs that will help you to keep you calm.

  • Blue Vervain sometimes referred to as Herbal Veneris, wild Hyssop or Indian Hyssop. it is known as a sedative and is used in the treatment of nervous conditions such as hysteria and depression. Since it is also known as a diuretic it is used in the treatment of kidney disorders.
  • N.-W This is a combination of Lady’s slipper, Blue Vervain, Scullcap, Hops and Valerian Root. This combination is complete to repair, calm and stabilize the nerves. It also eliminates tension. It promotes better co-ordination and control of the body functions controlled by the brain.

 

I am definitely trying this and have seen an improvement in the way I feel.  I am definitely an emotional person so when dealing with people and situations that leave me feeling drained I tend to stew over them, over analyze them until I am completely exhausted.  This exercise keeps you in the present dealing with the exact issue that has you feeling negative and placing closure on the situation so you can move on from that feeling.

 

You can find the details of this article through the following link

http://www.beyond-hearing-voices.com/letting-go-of-anger.html

Finding Balance: Living The Life Of An Empath

123

Over the past few months i’ve blogged about many different topics, most of the time about emotional health because I find that expressing myself in words, behind the screen, is really is cathartic for me.  It allows me to express myself, without feeling judged or scorned for doing so.

One of the topics that I wrote about, which has been the most successful post to date, was a post about absorbing the negative energies that we are surrounded by in our day-to-day lives.  I remember quite clearly the way I felt when I was writing it, and was surprisingly comforted to find how others were able to compare their feelings to mine – I wasn’t alone.  The past few months I was re-blogged, and quoted on my honesty, and it was a proud feeling.

If you are interested in reading the blog entry, here it is:  https://pinkdivamamacita.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/the-domino-effect-when-you-absorb-the-negative-energy-of-the-world/

As I sit here this morning I reflect on a conversation I had with a friend yesterday, and the way i’ve been feeling about friendships this past year.  This specific conversation left me feeling frustrated, and hurt.  She misunderstood part of the conversation I was having with her and was simply being honest about how she felt like I did not want to spend time with her – This was quickly cleared up but in my mind I was thinking, but what about the reasons I would like to pull away from you; drama, lies, being inconsiderate and only calling or texting when she needs something.  To none of which I have ever said a word to her about as I know those are her own demons to go to battle with.  It was a serious moment where I wanted to scream “WTF, where’s your empathy, woman!”.

As many of you know from my homepage on my blog, I am pregnant-8 months to be exact, and with that has come loads of morning sickness, and physical discomfort so perhaps, more than ever, this is why I feel so in-tuned with my emotions, or more specifically, feel drained and frustrated with the quality of the friendships I currently have.  It seems that the people whom are closest to me, that I have done everything for, are the people whom I am finding are the biggest emotional drains for me – at least right now.

Perhaps it could be that I am simply emotional due to pregnancy but, more-so, I believe it is because I realize now just how much emotional energy I put in to my family, and friends.  I can now see clearly, when it would be nice to receive the same efforts back, just how unbalanced these connections are.  An easier explanation would be that perhaps it would be fair to say that I realize the efforts (emotionally and physically) it has taken me to call and check up on my friends, to lend an ear to someone who is appearing distant, to care so much, so to say, because I am feeling so drained. I can see, and appreciate, just how much energy it takes to do those things on a day-to-day basis when I am not functioning at my “optimal” state.  It’s exhausting.

I sit here and I feel guilty about even writing that out loud.  No one knows I blog.  I am anonymous to all who read this, and yet here I am feeling like i’ve back-stabbed the most important people in my life without even knowing whom i’ve insinuated my “insults” at.

Empathy used to be such a well-respected word in my books.  A stand-tall, proud word that I lived my every breath by.  Always caring about how others felt, and wanting to make them feeling better however, years and years later, I find that I am the one left feeling drained.  I’ve taken all of their problems, compartmentalized the emotional waste in my head, and thrown away the key.  The reality is – who did I keep safe?  Did I protect my friends and family?  Yes, I made them feel better but certainly I did no favors to myself – clearly with the way I am left feeling at the moment.

Is there any balance in the life of an empath, or are we all destined to our own demise based on our sheer concern of caring for others, sharing emotion, and protecting the ones we love.  Some days I feel like it is a curse to be so in-tuned with others and their feelings, and other days these overwhelming days seem so much more manageable.  Not today.

I think that the only way to avoid these days is to have you days …. set a day or two every couple of weeks for YOU – especially if you feel like you are doing fine, and you don’t need it.  Disconnect from society (Facebook,  social gatherings, telephone, tv) and just breathe, and remember that you need to save a bit of empathy for yourself.  You need to set some time aside to rejuvenate and clear the negativity from your mind so that it doesn’t become a hinderance down the line because, lets face it, it does.  We are human and only built to take on so much at a time.  We are not superhero’s, or are we?

Take a look, and evaluate who you try to help and care for.  Take a really good hard look at the quality of the people whom you put your emotional-self out there for.  There is nothing wrong with being selective in order to protect yourself from all of the energies out there.  Choose wisely.  Know your value.  I say the same for friendships also – don’t be a friend just to be a friend.  Surround yourself with good people of good quality.  Don’t give all of your emotional-self away to everyone just because it’s who you are and you feel it is the right thing to do.  Protect yourself.  You are a rare and valuable gem.  Treat yourself accordingly.

Living the life of an empath is not an easy one, but living the life of an empath who does not take care of their emotional health is a recipe for disaster.  We can’t carry the weight of the world every single day so it is very important to find the balance!  I am still searching for it. I haven’t found it yet, but I know I am one step closer today than I was yesterday!

When Friendships Fail You

brokenfriendship

One of the most painful things that any person can go through in life is losing people they once cared about.  People that are still here on earth but for whatever reason have drifted away – either gradually over time, or suddenly through a disagreement or difference of opinion.

I’ve written in the past about toxic people in your lives, but what about the friend who you have shared every moment with since childhood.  The friend who got their license the same year you did.  The friend who graduated with you and bought matching cars together because you were best friends, for life.  What about the friend who has gone through numberous breakups, makeups … engagement, wedding and birth of your children.  Some of the emotions that follow these fall outs can be as intense as losing a loved one. 

The loss of a dear friend is one of the most painful things that anyone can encounter – unknown

Some friends grow apart because their lives become filled with other interests or move apart. The most painful broken relationship is the one that separates as a result of unresolved conflict.

Whatever the reason, friendships come and go in our lives. When the special friendships you thought would last a lifetime are broken or lost, the wounds may require loving care in order to heal.

Here are a few things you can do to see if you are still able to grow spiritually through the ins and outs of friendships over the years;

1. Grieve for the lost friendship. Grieving a lost relationship may take weeks, months or even years. A lot depends on how the friendship ends.

  • Admit the relationship has ended. Acceptance is the all-important positive side to rebuilding. You do not have to take on a load of guilt in order to accept that the relationship is over. Stay out of the “if only” game. The pain is intense as you realize the relationship has ended.
  • Suffer and grow. The way past the pain is to go all the way through it. The pain you are feeling is real. It hurts. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Use it as motivation to grow and make the crisis into an opportunity. The pain can be an excuse to remain bitter, angry, unhappy, or it can help you grow.

2. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. As you go through this painful process, check yourself so as to avoid these unhealthy coping mechanisms.

  • Withdrawing – Sometimes hurting people hide so others will not suspect their fear.
  • Becoming a busy-aholic – Hiding behind busyness may delay the healing process and can also be very tiring.
  • Fearing aloneness – Being alone can provide time for introspection, reflection, growth and development of the inner self. Emptiness can be replaced by inner fullness and strength. There is a healthy balance in spending time with others and being alone.

3. Let go

Close friendships require an interest in other people, empathy, loyalty and commitment. They also require the letting go of idealistic expectations and unrealistic demands. In letting go, we grow. Sometimes this may even require letting go of the friendship entirely.

  • Forgive. Forgiveness is an act of the will on the part of the offended person releasing the perpetrator even though you do not condone what they have done. Trust, however, needs to be earned. This is particularly important in dysfunctional relationships. If you are seeking inner freedom, forgiveness is not an option — you simply must. Forgiveness involves realizing how much the Lord has forgiven. It enables you to forgive and see others’ failures through the eyes of mercy. Good friends are good forgivers.
  • Deal with your emotions. Acknowledge the feelings of love, anger, bitterness, feelings of vindictiveness and look at them realistically. Invest emotionally in your own personal growth instead of investing in the dead relationship.

4. Risk loving again. Intimacy is risky, no doubt about it. Reaching out may result in rejection. Then why do it and get hurt? Why not play it safe? The cost is too high to not ever take the risk — there are friends in your future who will be worth the risk and you may never know them if you don’t try again.

  • Make yourself vulnerable. It is easy to fear rejection. If someone wants to share, but seems hesitant, lead the way by opening up first. It is a precious gift to your friends when they personally discover that you cherish confidentiality and hold their secrets close to your heart. Remember, vulnerability hastens bonding.
  • Realize the risk is worthwhile. As you reflect on the friends of your life, realize some were in your life for only a season. Each of your friends has woven into your being some of the very fiber of who you have become. Realize you may never know why some relationships end: Reflect on the positive blessings and the impact a friendship made on your life during the happy times. If the friendship was filled with betrayal and pain, reflect on the growth that took place in your own life as you learned to deal with this.

Realize that going through a broken relationship leaves you with a choice — to become bitter or better. Bitterness will only destroy you and never the person with whom you are angry. Which one will you choose?

  Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.   Buddha