Real. What does that word mean to you? I think tangible things are “real”, and I believe emotions I feel are “real” but what about friendships – are they real? Are they authentic?
It occurred to me one day that there are a lot of “non-authentic” people in this world. I guess in other words one would describe them as “fake”, or “two-faced”. WHY? How can people not be real . What causes a person to hide who they are, or not say what they mean, or even lie to your face saying one thing to you, and speaking a whole other version to someone else?.
We’ve all told white lies, or sugar-coated situations, but i’m talking about the individuals that are one way to your face and a completely different person behind your back. Where you even question their loyalty to you as a friend, family member, or acquaintance.
Keep toxic people in your life at arms length. Do not give them the satisfaction, or power, to manipulate you. Here a are a few ways that may guide you to determine if the friendship, relationships, etc… may be harmful to you in the long run – always keep in mind these “red flags”, and trust your gut instinct – most of the time you will have the right reasons to be hesitant … over time you will come to understand this, and learn that there is always a reason for the way that you feel. Be responsible and love yourself enough to know that there are a billion, and one people on this earth – why waste your time on a person, or people that do not appreciate you, love you, respect you, and care for you the same way that you do for them? Don’t fake the funk! Be Authentic!
10 Things Real Friends Don’t Do
A person’s belief system is often a direct reflection of who they spend their time with. To ensure a positive social environment built for your success, make sure the people you trust the most aren’t guilty of these ten things true friends don’t do.
1. They don’t gossip behind your back.
True friends distance themselves from unnecessary drama. If a close one spreads rumors or shares secrets that you asked to be kept private, then they aren’t a true friend worthy of your trust.
2. They don’t resort to personal attacks.
True friends aren’t in the business of making you feel bad about yourself. They communicate with words of kindness, not cruelty. They focus on your similarities, not your differences. They speak of your qualities, not your shortcomings.
3. They don’t start pointless arguments.
True friends know that there is nothing less productive than starting an argument you can’t win. “Reading that status update sure made me rethink my entire existence,” said nobody, anywhere, ever. A true friend should be willing to accept a person as they are, whether they agree or not. This isn’t to say you can’t have friends you disagree with (in fact, I highly recommend it as it puts things in perspective). But if you’re going to argue, do so respectfully.
4. They don’t interrupt your every word.
True friends aren’t so obsessed with themselves that they aren’t interested in how you feel. A fair and balanced friendship can’t exist in a situation where one half does all of the talking and none of the listening.
5. They don’t discourage you from pursuing your goals.
True friends are willing to offer feedback without mincing words if they feel it is necessary for your personal development, but they don’t do so in a condescending or hateful fashion. Instead, they offer constructive, helpful advice that inspires you to become a better version of yourself.
6. They don’t look down on you for your past.
True friends aren’t concerned with your past, no matter how colorful it might be. If you’re courageous enough to reveal a few skeletons living in your closet, a true friend shouldn’t think any less of you; instead, they should offer you comfort and support, expressing an appreciation for your willingness to open up.
7. They don’t abandon you in social situations.
True friends are emotionally intelligent enough to know that bringing a friend to a party where they don’t know anyone, and then proceeding to throw them to the fishes, is a very inconsiderate thing to do (especially if said friend happens to be an introvert).
8. They don’t get jealous of your success.
True friends don’t waste their time in a pit of jealousy when something good happens to another person. They know it is much more productive to be happy for other people’s success (and maybe even take some notes about how they did it), than it is to be pout and play the “Why didn’t they pick me?” game. Less complaining, more hustling.
9. They don’t judge you or try to “fix” you.
True friends know it’s silly to try to “fix” a person while their own inner-houses are in disorder. As Jesus Christ said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” Recall that Jesus spent most of the Gospels hanging out with the very sinners people love to judge today instead of the moralizing Pharisees, who were so blinded by judgment that they couldn’t take an honest look at themselves and their own faults. True friends can admit that they themselves are far from perfect, so it’s a bit absurd to expect anything more from another person. You might not be perfect, but you are good enough, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. They don’t take your friendship for granted.
True friends don’t see a relationship as a short-term fling that can be tossed aside when it becomes inconvenient, but rather a long-term commitment of high importance. A friend worth having isn’t only interested in doing fun stuff like drinking Tequila shots, playing miniature golf, watching goofy videos on the Internet, riding roller coasters, lounging on the beach or dancing at the club; they are also willing to help you through difficult times by doing things like supporting you after a death in the family, and encouraging you to put yourself back together after a brutal break-up or unexpected job loss. Will Smith captured this top trait of true friends when he said,
“If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”