Even in the most peaceful surrounds, the angry heart finds quarrel. Even in the most quarrelsome surrounds, the grateful heart finds peace ~ Doe Zantamata
Ugh! Nothing drives me more insane than the ranting and raving of the “queens” in my life. When I say “queen” I am referring to both men, and women alike because they share a common trait – making mountains out of mole hills.
There is nothing in this world that I can think of that is more emotionally exhausting than the simple chatter of a drama ridden individual. Literally, these conversations leave me feeling dull, negative and just plain “off” for days upon days following their outbursts.
It seems that the more I try to avoid it, the more it finds me, or the more I am aware of it in my day-to-day surroundings. When I take a look at why that is it seems to be that drama is in all of us … some of us just know how to internalize and throw away the key before we spread the nasty germs on to the next person draining them of their abundantly joyful days.
It’s everywhere. The friends who are traumatized over another friends actions. The mother in law who is completely sensitive to a daughter in laws honesty. The girlfriend of a friend who is just to blind to see her constant attention seeking behaviours. The list is never-ending. But when you look at the commonality in all of the situations what is it that is the core problem with these people? Is it that they are unhappy? Is it that they just seek attention?
I’ve spent many hours in the past trying to console the “broken-hearted”. Trying to help them understand from another perspective. Guide them to be a little empathetic as most situations are usually caused by sensitive personalities and misunderstandings. A lot of these drama episodes could be avoided with clear communication and honesty, and perhaps in some situations toning it down a little as not all of us on the receiving end of conflict are graciously accepting in every circumstance.
Even though we try to see the bright side of everyone’s personality I am left with the conclusion that people who cause drama are fairly dissatisfied with their lives. They may appear happy on the outside, but I think that the root of their problems is that they are genuinely unhappy with themselves and their day-to-day lives.
There are definitely situations in life that will feel confrontational because we are all built with different personalities and character but is it really necessary to make a mountain out of a molehill? Must we make each others lives so stressful to the point of tears, sleepless nights, ill feelings and broken friendships?
This all leads back to one of my very first posts about identifying the toxic people in your lives. I know in the grand scheme of things it may feel like you are getting rid of everyone around you but what needs to be put in perspective is your own quality of life. The remaining years you have left on this earth are limited – how do you wish to spend them? I’ve always told my friends in dire situations, ‘Everyday that you wake up is one day closer to the day you will die. Is this how you want to live. Can you honestly tell me that you are living your happily ever after ?
If the answer is no, then I strongly recommend you reevaluate the path you are taking because the journey in life should be as enjoyable as a beautiful road trip. Yes, there will be windy roads that will be less than pleasurable to travel, but the beautiful landscape, quaint towns, and gorgeous oceans make the trip all worth while! Afterall, you are the only one who has complete power of your life and destination!
7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama
1. Recognize when you might be creating drama.
You get what you put out. If you act in a way that is positive and minimal drama, you attract the same kind of positive situations and people. ~April Myers
Drama usually comes from my reaction to other people’s actions. I stop to think: Does this really matter in the long run, or am I just trying to be right? ~Anita Grimm-Hohl
I minimize drama within myself. When I’m focused and calm, so is the world around me. ~Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt
If there’s drama in multiple areas of your life, be honest with yourself—you’re the constant. Are you creating it? We don’t do anything repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what’s the payoff?
Are you looking for attention or excitement? Did you grow up with drama and you just plain feel best when there’s some around you?
Now aim to find alternative solutions. If you’re looking for attention, can you get it more directly? If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life?
2. Change your perspective.
Be happy about little things, let the big stuff go because I can’t change any of it. ~Grace Foo
I zoom out in my mind to a point far enough away and above so that I can see things in my life for what they are. By doing this, I can see from a distance how small and unimportant the situation is in the big scope of the universe. ~Larry Stilts
Is this situation going to matter a year from now? If not, it’s not worth worrying about. ~Angela Orr
A lot of the drama takes place in our own heads, and it’s usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognize it isn’t as dire as it seems.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by a situation, step back and realize this feeling isn’t permanent—nothing is. Then focus on action steps—on the things that you can control. What can you do today to proactively create a solution?
3. Don’t feed into other people’s drama.
Build a reputation for not participating in drama. ~Addy Rodriguez
Just be. Anything you resist persists. Don’t add any negative or positive focus on it. ~Nikki Star
Speak less, listen more. You have time to hear and see the drama and sidestep it. ~Alexis Benjamin
Be an observer. Not everything needs a reaction. ~Angelina PhouGui Chan-Ong
If someone repeatedly comes to you with catastrophes, give yourself a window of time when you’ll listen, and then take care of your own needs by walking away. Also, resist the urge to jump into a pity party. Oftentimes people calm themselves down when other people don’t validate their complaints.
Lastly, focus on your breath. Your calming energy may even help them let go.
4. Reconsider unhealthy relationships.
Minimize dramatic people in your life. ~Jeff Palmer
Befriend only people with good energy that don’t promote or create drama. ~Carmen Portela
I realize that spending time by myself is always preferable to spending time with someone who wants drama. Nothing wrong with a dull day. ~Stephanie Goddard
Remove the source of drama from my life. It really is that simple. ~Claudia Jacobs
Take an inventory of which people in your life leave you feeling stressed and unhappy more often than not. If you don’t want to completely remove a toxic relationship, minimize the time you spend together.
If you don’t want to change how often you see each other, recognize drama triggers. When the conversation moves toward her horrible mother, steer it somewhere else.
5. Be clear and straight with other people.
Be as open and honest and communicative as possible. Listen without reacting. ~Faith McGregor
If I have an issue with someone I go straight to them to talk about it, and I don’t talk to anyone else about it if they aren’t involved. Gossip breeds drama! ~Kristie Sherman
Drama comes about because of either misunderstanding or overreaction. Be as honest and open in all cases as possible. Quell your own negative emotions, which will in turn diffuse the negative emotions of others. ~Vito Ruiz
A lot of drama comes from poor communication and confusion. Eliminate it by finding the courage to say exactly what you mean. It may be harder in the moment, but it can save a lot of heartache in the long run.
On the flip side, let people know that they can be honest with you. If someone thinks they need to walk on eggshells around you, they’ll likely hold things in—but they will come out eventually, if not in words, in resentful actions.
6. Be slow to label something as “drama.”
When it comes to people you know you love, always take an extra moment to reconsider, if the “problem” is actually a problem, if it’s worth making a big deal out of it. ~Christian Andersen Hauge
I realize that life is a roller-coaster and my problems are much like others’ at different times. ~Margaret I. Gibson
Love them a little more. It’s who they are. It might even be you. ~Ed Pulsifer
Don’t speculate, good or bad. Simply deal with what’s actually in front of you. ~Michael Stodola
Sometimes what we’re labeling as drama is just someone who really needs us. Instead of expelling mental energy judging the situation as good or bad, focus on being there and being a friend in the moment.
Then be a friend to yourself and let the drama go when you walk away. A lot of the drama we experience in life comes from our interpretations of the things we experience—particularly after the moments have passed.
7. Learn from drama.
I attempt to allow the inevitable episode, extract any potential meaning or lesson, and equally allow it to pass. ~Joel Olmstead
I try to see the learning experience in the drama. And I think of the sentence “Without rain you can’t enjoy the sunny days.” ~Anja Feijen
Accept it, learn from it, and go on with life. ~Vincent Neerings
Sometimes it seems like drama happens to us, and we’re powerless to remove ourselves from the cause. Another perspective is that every time we find ourselves immersed in something that seems overwhelming, we have an opportunity to learn how to deal with challenges better.
Life will always involve mini fires that we feel desperate to put out. If we can learn not to fan them, they may actually be able to light our way ~ tiny buddha.