Rid Yourself of Toxic People – A Fabulous Read by Bryant McGill

I’ve written about it in the past in my previous posts (The Domino Effect:  When You Absorb The Negative Energy Of The World http://wp.me/p3FSnP-4H), and find various blogs online relating to the same topic all the time.  Unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere, and in everyones lives.  Toxic people find their ways into our world in every way, shape and form imaginable.  It is unfortunate, however, guarding yourself from these people, and becoming aware of them, will help you to keep your emotional health in check, and on the up, and up!

This is a wonderful read written by Bryant McGill.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

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“If you are going to be successful, you have to start hanging out with the successful people.”

— Jack Canfield

Do you really want a better and more successful and fulfilling life? One of the fastest ways you can profoundly change your life is to rid yourself of toxic people. Oh! I know, that is not very charitable, diplomatic, Gandhi’esk or Christ-like for me to say, but I am not Gandhi or Christ, and I suspect you aren’t either. So, if you are a regular person like me, and not secretly walking on water when no one is watching, then this message may be for you.

Your life was meant for more than being a life-long doormat for deadbeats, losers, gossipers, nay-sayers, dream-crushers, energy vampires, users, abusers, ragers and passive-aggressive backstabbers. Some of these people are rabidly-infected with obvious madness. Some have less obvious ways, such as the “helpful” enabler, who sends you off to your destruction with a helping hand and a smile. Some are “doubt-whispers,” who plant the seeds of non-belief in your heart to take root, so they can then console you in your inevitable moment of defeat. Call them what you want, you know exactly who I am talking about. One thing always reveals their sometimes hidden identity — after you have been around them, how do you feel; have you been depleted and drained or energized and inspired?

“From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead.”

— Anais Nin

I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but it’s impossible to give to others if you have been used-up. Don’t forget to be good to yourself first. Don’t forget to take care of you! It is never cruel to want to save yourself from being swamped by fools. You cannot save everyone. Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them. Their lives are full of emptiness, chaos and dysfunction, and they will bring their misery and pain into your life with full-force if you allow it. Then there are others who have the outward appearance of success and are seemingly not self-destructive in nature. These people do not destroy themselves, but instead survive through the destruction of others — these are the users. Either of these types of people will latch-on to you in a death-spiral and take you down to the depths of hell with them. This is your life and you have the right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself.

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.”

— Joel Osteen

You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity. Misery loves good company, so if you are surrounded with drama, gossip and fools you may want to consider that you are presently at risk of becoming one of them. The real zombie-apocalypse is the pandemic of drama and mediocrity. Troublemakers will infect you with the malady of their madness. And especially, if your positivity immune system is low, any exposure to a person afflicted with negativity can poison your life. You have to get these people out of your life once and for all. When you do come in contact with one of these people run for your life. Get to safety. Meditatively and spiritually decontaminate yourself. Scrub down your brain with a wire-brush and remove their insanity from the corridors of your mind. Inoculate yourself immediately by creating a safe space and aligning yourself with healthy people. If you have to go it alone for a while until you find your healthy tribe and chosen family, that is fine. Being alone is much better than being around negative people out of loneliness or desperation.

“Inoculate yourself from dangerous bozos.”

— Guy Kawasaki

Even professionals like therapists, psychologists and social workers limit their exposure to their clients and draw boundaries. What makes you think you can handle unlimited exposure to toxic people and survive? You can still be a charitable person who helps and cares about people, without helping those very people destroy your life. Learn how to draw a line and learn how to enforce it. Get selfish and take care of you. Cleanliness and order is good Feng Shui which applies to people even more than to the things in your life. You must clear out what you don’t want to make room for what you do what to arrive. The way to send a clear message to the universe that you are ready for better people is the kick the rascals to the curb. The intimate space of your personal life should be reserved for amazing, beautiful, radiant souls — good, wholesome and loving people. Your truest family is your chosen family, people with whom you most identify. Make a clear decision on the type of people you want in your life and if they don’t make the cut, then create some distance. It doesn’t matter if it is a close relative, parent or child-hood friend; no matter the history — when people are toxic, disruptive and dysfunctional with no reasonable signs of recovery, then they need to go. Love toxic people from a distance.

“End it now! Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible. Life is too short and unpredictable to deal with these emotional vampires. They feed off of stressing you out, raising hell and creating drama for you. The toxic energy will turn your hair gray overnight, cause you to gain weight and rob you of your health. Don’t waste valuable time trying to change them. Change yourself and get them out of your life! Don’t say a word; leave all of your belongings if you have to in the middle of the night. Cut off all communication. Don’t take their calls. You have heard all the lies before. They will not change. They don’t choose to change. It is who they have decided to be. Move to another city, if you must, and start all over again. Your life is worth it. You deserve to have peace of mind, a great relationship and an exciting life. Watch how dramatically your life will change for the better once you get this burden off your back. The air you breathe will become fresh and invigorating. You will feel an infusion of exuberance, energy and love for life. With this stifling, suffocating and controlling person out of your life, get ready to live again and be the person that you’ve always wanted to be. Live life on your own terms, not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Control your own destiny.”

— Les Brown

Practically every successful person you know of is successful, in part, because they moved the destructive and disruptive people out of their lives. Successful people carefully manage their energy and associations; they are gatekeepers. Who you allow into your life, mind and heart are among the most important decisions you will ever make. Take inventory of the people with whom you spend the most time. Who you spend your time with is who you are, or who you will soon become. Limit your exposure to unhealthy and unsupportive people. Love yourself enough to say no to people who diminish your chances for a beautiful life. Sometimes you have to get away from what you know to discover what you don’t know. Align yourself with a new tribe of healthy people who are supportive of your highest good and potential. Find the people who are living the lifestyle you wish for yourself and who share your values, and create a new family of friends that you can call, “home.”

You Don’t Solve Your Problems, You Outgrow Them

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Einstein

We all have problems. Some are big and some are small, some are important and some are not that important, some are urgent while others not so urgent, and of course, most of us think that problems need to be solved, right? Well,  problems don’t need to be solved, they need to be outgrown, because if we don’t outgrow them, it will take us a great deal of time to “solve” and “fix” them, and chances are that we will get stuck at that level.

We are meant to be constantly growing, constantly evolving and constantly learning from our mistakes, and also the mistakes of those around us, and when we have a problem, if we want to get rid of it, we shouldn’t spend too much time talking and thinking about it, because that will only make things worse. I always say to people, think not about those things you do not want, because that will only attract more of the things you don’t want, but rather, think about those things you do want, so you could get more of them. Think in positive terms, always! Don’t be pushed by your problems, but rather be led by your dreams.

The first thing we want to do, whenever we are faced with a difficult situation, is to imagine ourselves already free of those situations, to imagine how our lives would look like without those problems, and how would that make us feel. This is what we should be doing, because, if you ask me, people insist way too much on the problems they have, instead of focusing on the solutions and the results they want to get. Like attracts like, and if you invest your precious energy thinking about your problems instead of thinking about the solutions to those problems, you will definitely get stuck.

I once heard Wayne Dyer say that Abraham Maslow believed that 15 minutes was more than enough to spend on our problems. Whenever a patient would visit Maslow’s office, he would allow them to talk about their problems up to 15 minutes and then he would have them focus on the desired outcome. He wanted them to focus most of their time and energy talking about the things they wanted to achieve, on the solutions of their so called problems, not on the problems.

You see, when you spend too much time talking and focusing on the problems, you get too caught up, and it will be quite hard for you to detach from them, and see the big picture. You will start seeing your problems as being bigger than yourself, and you will be overwhelmed; you will have a hard time finding your way out; you will have a hard time outgrowing your problems, and chances are, that you will be outgrown by them.

And you know what? A lot of times, we don’t even perceive these problems, that we may encounter with, from an objective and realistic point of view, but rather from a subjective and distorted point of view. Many of our so called problems are only in our heads, and we need to learn how to see reality as it really is, we need to see facts as facts, and not based on what our mind and emotions tells us is real. How we feel about a certain thing or situation, doesn’t always mean that’s how everybody is going to be feeling about it; it doesn’t mean that’s how we should be feeling. It’s how we choose to respond to whatever comes our way that will eventually determine how we perceive the environment and the world we live in, and the amount of problems we will have. Our thoughts and perceptions about the world, will eventually create our reality, and it depends on us, whether we choose to see the words as loving, or not so loving.

We need to learn not to sweat the small stuff, because you see, a lot of our problems are just that, small stuff. When you are too caught up in whatever it is that you perceive as being negative, wrong, disturbing, etc., you no longer see reality as it is, you no longer see things as they are. It’s crucial that you understand this, because if you don’t, you will always see yourself as being just a small person with really big problems, you will always see yourself as being a victim.

The idea is, for you to stop trying so hard, to stop talking to everybody you meet about your miserable and unhappy life, about your horrible, and impossible to overcome, problems, because that’s not how you will get rid of them. Like attracts like, and if you direct your energy in the wrong direction, you will be overwhelmed and you will be unhappy for the rest of your life, because, the way you see it, your problems are way bigger than you are, and they are the ones who are controlling your life, not you!

You are bigger than all of your problems, and you have to see yourself as being that way. Detach yourself from whatever it is that is happening to you, with you, and all around you. Step out of your mind and try seeing things objectively. By doing so will you be able to see yourself as being bigger that all your problems. By doing so you will feel in control of your life and no problem will be bigger than you are.

 

Source:  http://www.purposefairy.com