The time in between each of my blog entries seems to be getting longer and longer. I have a lot of thoughts that run through my mind as my day goes on, however finding time to sort my thoughts, and put them down on here seems to get lost on the back burner.
In my last entry I wrote how I felt on a day that I was in a very vulnerable place. A part of me wants to take that entry and delete it, and the honest side of me says, “No, don’t you dare. You were simply being a human being”…
I promised myself that I would keep it there, and that I would one day reread it – coming from a different perspective – and congratulate myself on how far i’ve come from since those feelings of helplessness and frustration – negative emotional feelings that consumed me at that moment.
The addition of one extra little boy has filled my heart with so much joy, but finding time for “me” is next to impossible as my world is filled with two little boys 24 hours a day. Finding time to breathe and release the stresses of each day is non-existent, and finding time to meditate usually ends with me falling asleep the minute I close my eyes! I am physically, and emotionally drained at day’s end. Not finding this time has left me feeling like I am in a rut – and i’ve come to realize that this feeling is not bringing anything positive into my children’s lives. They will be the best when I AM MY BEST! I need to remember this!
I have not forgotten that special place I used to visit once a day – the place of calm, and serene. The place where I would build up my emotional energy reservoir so I could continue on for the remainder of the day. The place where my honesty was the best thing for me because I could learn from my emotion – both good and bad. It’s not a forgotten place, just a place that has been less travelled over the last few weeks …. I am ready to reinvent the “new” me … the new, and improved mommy of 2!!