The Baby Diaries: How I Found The Love Of My Life, Again!


Motherhood is a beautiful thing.  A true blessing from up above that i’ve never found comparable to anything else in my life.  It is a truly unique experience all on its own that has been not only the most rewarding experience, but also the most challenging.

As baby number 2 gets ready to make his big debut in 16 weeks I remember, all to well, the anxieties and worries of being a new mom.  There were no words, books, or affirmations that could prepare me for the transition.  My days literally went day by day, and to be honest they still do – my first-born is now 20 months old and it’s still a learning curve.

Opinions of others drove me nuts – especially from individuals who have not yet had their own, or from parents who had their children 10+ years or so ago that have blocked out having to wake up every hour, exhaustion, crying and lack of esthetic and domestic upkeep.  I know they meant well, but seriously … tell me in a few years from now, okay 😉

What I can tell you about my experience as a new mom was that I wish I had embraced it more – insanity, sleeplessness, chaotic cries … AND ALL.  If there is one thing that I can tell you is that not everyone wants, or has the option to have more than one child.  You do not necessarily have the opportunity to “do it again” and the hours and days you spend stressed, anxious and frustrated will all be gone way too soon and you will not necessarily have the option of “round 2”, so to speak.  The moments that challenge you are only a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things and then you will be on to something else that will test your patience.  Trust me, I live in the real world and I write this remembering all so clearly the dirty stinky diapers, the midnight visits from the “vomit monster”, hours or tears (from me) our of sheer frustration and insecurity … but in my mind I hear the “Mama Please”, and the “I ro ro” (meaning i love you) and my heart melts and I become a ball of emotional fuzzy warm mush. That is what being a parent is all about – we’ve never done this before.  There is no training manual, or flip or switch that gets things onto the smooth path … so every day and ever circumstance is new.  Learn to go with the flow.

When my son was a few months old, and I was just getting the hang of how to handle my newborn, the newborn stage became a distant memory.  As he grew a little bigger he began to sit up and crawl around … and then I missed the days that I could just hold him in my arms, so docile and calm.  And then he decided to walk and start saying words such as “no”, and “more” … and then I missed the days of just propping him up on a pillow and thinking how amazing it was that he was able to sit up and give me that little googly smile that told me he loved me.  I didn’t take those moments for granted, but the moments were only here for split seconds … and then gone, and I missed them.

If there was anything that I learned from the first year of my first child was to appreciate the moments.  Appreciate everything and be patient even with the most frustrating, and negative of feelings because it doesn’t last.  Don’t expect a perfect child because they don’t exist.  The perfect child IS your child.  Don’t put expectations on yourself.  Learn to love and embrace all of it.  Once you can genuinely say you’ve done that then your journey as a mom will be worth every sleepless night. I can promise you that much! 

I am honored to say that i’ve found the love of my life twice, and am excited meet my third in just a few short months.  I love my boys!


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