Never sacrifice your class to get even with someone who has none. Let them have the gutter. You take the highroad ~ unknown.
My goodness does that quote ring in my ears! Each time it repeats it gets louder and louder. I know it’s true. You know it’s true. But boy oh boy, have you ever found yourself in circumstances where “letting them have it” is the only way this conflict could appropriately be resolved? …. at least in your mind? I mean, come on, we’re human. Feeling like we want to “correct”, or “fix” a situation by implementing our own personal view points, morals, and ethics is a natural instinct.
I, in fact, have done so in the past only to showered with guilt for my actions. Not by people who point fingers back at me, but by my own conscience whispering back at me saying “WTF is wrong with you. Why did you do that? This isn’t you!”
Why is that so? Why is it that when we try to “right” a situation we end up feeling worse than if we had simply left things along, or took the “high road”, so to speak?
Situations like this have got to be the ultimate frustration in my world over the past few months. Your damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. I am by no means saying that everything I do is “right”, but I find so many people in this world function in a very selfish, non-empathetic state. It has certainly proven to be a huge disappointment in my world when I come across people who act this way. How can people function in such a nature? Is this a learned behaviour? A way of life through their own upbringing?
I operate in a very empathetic state. Not necessarily raised, or taught – it is who I am. I constantly put myself in other individuals view-point and try to understand where they would be coming from.
My “black cloud” began following me during the winter months. My husbands best friend had been dating a women whom, in my opinion, was not a very tolerable person … but who was I to judge, right?! I have witnessed, first hand, many of the games that have been played. If I sat you down and told you the things that I had been exposed to you would seriously tell me that this girl had it coming to her for a long time! But, I did what any “good friend” would do … I kept my mouth shut. Afterall, we were talking about my husbands best friend of 20 years. My friend of now 7 years. The best man at our wedding. The first “friend” to hold my son when he was born in the hospital just the year prior. He was our family, so we were willing to sacrifice our opinions in order to see him happy – which he isn’t, but that is a whole other post! …
It wasn’t until I had my own indifference with her that I finally had put my foot down. I was witness to a certain behaviour at my son’s 1st birthday party (in my home) and finally said that enough was enough … and I gave her a piece of my mind the following week. Boy did I let her have it, and my goodness that felt good to finally let it out after all this time.
To my surprise though this great feeling quickly passed. It did not last and it very quickly turned to doubt and disappointment – caused by my own actions. I began to question my ability to recognize the triggers that activated this outburst. I was disappointed in myself for my actions. I wasn’t angry for how I reacted to her doing the things she did. I was angry that she was able to get under my skin in that manner. I was upset that I did not know myself well enough to recognize the “trigger” that would set me off. After all these years of peace and spirituality it was the handy work of one solo woman who brought my composure to a corrupting halt. I have to hand it to you, missy, “job well done”! *eye roll*.
It’s been seven months and I frequently think about the situation. I wonder if given a second change if I would have done things differently? The reality of it is this… I very well could have walked away, but I know it would have continued to bother me. So, I have no choice but to take a look at my actions and view my “black cloud” as a lesson. A constant reminder that I am indeed human, but there is a place and time for everything.
I’ve learned that with the way I felt over the past seven months that I am not the type of person that can easily speak my mind in such a negative state – whether rightfully justified or not – without feeling the consequences of my own actions. Even if I had toned it down I realize that there would be no “right” way of trying to express my disappointments to her without feeling this way because of the way I am built. This is my character. Although a hard lesson to digest, I am a firm believer in karma – although it seems to take eon’s for it to happen!! I have learned to choose my battles. Pick those that are truly worth fighting for and take the high road as it is a road that is well-travelled by many, with a much more enjoyable view of the world.