It’s obvious what love is to me. Great feelings, happy smiles, positive emotions, unconditional caring. Those are a few things I think of when I conjure up an image of what love would look like expressed on “paper”… but what about the unobvious descriptions of love … such as, forgiveness?
Forgiveness; /fərˈgivnis/ Noun: The action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
For most of my life I lived in the oblivious and routine ways that forgiveness worked. I hurt someones feeling, I apologize. Someone hurts my feelings, they apologize. That was what the word forgiveness meant to me.
It wasn’t until my more recent years that I began my more spiritual journey … this journey allowed me to dig further into my emotions and understanding myself a little deeper, on a more sincere level. A more truthful and honest manner.
Specifically, my power to “forgive” made its debut when I was about 8 weeks away from getting married to the love of my life. I had an epiphany while listening to music and sorting through various songs that could be used on our wedding website. Listening to music has always been a way for me to release my emotions as it would basically express what I felt without me having to figure it out. As I was listening, I came across songs that reminded me of old flames that I once shared a part of my life with. Old flame that stomped hard on my heart, twisted it in half, broke it in a million pieces and left me to deal with the hurt …. what? Was I still bitter after all this time?
I sat there and thought about the reality of it all. If, indeed, these previous relationships would have worked out I would have sacrificed my self, my sanity, my being … and ultimately what and whom I had grown in to after all of these years of self discovery. I had a history of being extremely passive, basically a doormat. It was at that point when realizing that absolutely every hurt, negative, and hard time that left me in aching tears and heartbreak had led me to the love of my life. It began to make sense and I was at a place where I was able to accept it for what it was, appreciate where it had brought me years later, and embrace what great memories I had during those times in my life. I was able to forgive!!
I searched online for quotes on forgiveness. I had to find something I could feel was speaking to me at that point in my life and I found it. Yelling at me from the top of it’s lungs ….
“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” Lewis B. Smedes
I sent a short but sweet email to a dear old flame – a brief relationship. Him and I had been friends for about 7 years before our attempt to date. It was a disaster from the beginning. Short, sweet, but excruciating because I did not just lose a significant other, I lost a friend. I extended my feelings to him and expressed my thoughts … wishing him well. His response was warm, and caring. It felt “right” … It was nothing hurtful or deceitful to my husband to be. It was innocent. It made me feel this final sense of closure. It gave me peace that I had not known before … I gave myself the ultimate gift. I forgave.
Now, I am not saying to send emails, or contact all of your ex’s … there are people in your life that you just feel you need to have a final word with, and people in your life that you need to stay far away from, VERY far away, so be cautious of whom you try to contact as those doors close for a reason … and never second guess the relationship itself!
My purpose was to provide closure in order for me to move forward, not to ask for them back into my life. A very specific purpose, but for me it showed me a lot more than I expected. I truly did not know the power of forgiveness until I went through this situation.
There will be times in your life when people will wrong you, and what matters most isn’t how it happened, but how you respond to it. Maybe not immediately, at that very moment, but over time as you begin to heal and you will find the power to forgive. I can promise you that when you do so you will be at peace, and feel a sense of pride like never before.