When Friendships Fail You

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One of the most painful things that any person can go through in life is losing people they once cared about.  People that are still here on earth but for whatever reason have drifted away – either gradually over time, or suddenly through a disagreement or difference of opinion.

I’ve written in the past about toxic people in your lives, but what about the friend who you have shared every moment with since childhood.  The friend who got their license the same year you did.  The friend who graduated with you and bought matching cars together because you were best friends, for life.  What about the friend who has gone through numberous breakups, makeups … engagement, wedding and birth of your children.  Some of the emotions that follow these fall outs can be as intense as losing a loved one. 

The loss of a dear friend is one of the most painful things that anyone can encounter – unknown

Some friends grow apart because their lives become filled with other interests or move apart. The most painful broken relationship is the one that separates as a result of unresolved conflict.

Whatever the reason, friendships come and go in our lives. When the special friendships you thought would last a lifetime are broken or lost, the wounds may require loving care in order to heal.

Here are a few things you can do to see if you are still able to grow spiritually through the ins and outs of friendships over the years;

1. Grieve for the lost friendship. Grieving a lost relationship may take weeks, months or even years. A lot depends on how the friendship ends.

  • Admit the relationship has ended. Acceptance is the all-important positive side to rebuilding. You do not have to take on a load of guilt in order to accept that the relationship is over. Stay out of the “if only” game. The pain is intense as you realize the relationship has ended.
  • Suffer and grow. The way past the pain is to go all the way through it. The pain you are feeling is real. It hurts. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Use it as motivation to grow and make the crisis into an opportunity. The pain can be an excuse to remain bitter, angry, unhappy, or it can help you grow.

2. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. As you go through this painful process, check yourself so as to avoid these unhealthy coping mechanisms.

  • Withdrawing – Sometimes hurting people hide so others will not suspect their fear.
  • Becoming a busy-aholic – Hiding behind busyness may delay the healing process and can also be very tiring.
  • Fearing aloneness – Being alone can provide time for introspection, reflection, growth and development of the inner self. Emptiness can be replaced by inner fullness and strength. There is a healthy balance in spending time with others and being alone.

3. Let go

Close friendships require an interest in other people, empathy, loyalty and commitment. They also require the letting go of idealistic expectations and unrealistic demands. In letting go, we grow. Sometimes this may even require letting go of the friendship entirely.

  • Forgive. Forgiveness is an act of the will on the part of the offended person releasing the perpetrator even though you do not condone what they have done. Trust, however, needs to be earned. This is particularly important in dysfunctional relationships. If you are seeking inner freedom, forgiveness is not an option — you simply must. Forgiveness involves realizing how much the Lord has forgiven. It enables you to forgive and see others’ failures through the eyes of mercy. Good friends are good forgivers.
  • Deal with your emotions. Acknowledge the feelings of love, anger, bitterness, feelings of vindictiveness and look at them realistically. Invest emotionally in your own personal growth instead of investing in the dead relationship.

4. Risk loving again. Intimacy is risky, no doubt about it. Reaching out may result in rejection. Then why do it and get hurt? Why not play it safe? The cost is too high to not ever take the risk — there are friends in your future who will be worth the risk and you may never know them if you don’t try again.

  • Make yourself vulnerable. It is easy to fear rejection. If someone wants to share, but seems hesitant, lead the way by opening up first. It is a precious gift to your friends when they personally discover that you cherish confidentiality and hold their secrets close to your heart. Remember, vulnerability hastens bonding.
  • Realize the risk is worthwhile. As you reflect on the friends of your life, realize some were in your life for only a season. Each of your friends has woven into your being some of the very fiber of who you have become. Realize you may never know why some relationships end: Reflect on the positive blessings and the impact a friendship made on your life during the happy times. If the friendship was filled with betrayal and pain, reflect on the growth that took place in your own life as you learned to deal with this.

Realize that going through a broken relationship leaves you with a choice — to become bitter or better. Bitterness will only destroy you and never the person with whom you are angry. Which one will you choose?

  Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.   Buddha

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close: When Stress Takes Over

stress

Stress is a natural response to everyday life.  Reactions that come from our body in times of threat, or life challenges.  Our nervous system is triggered and produces the hormone, cortisol, during these times which gives us the sensation of “fight or flight”.

Stress can come in all shapes and forms.  It could be in the form of running late for an appointment, or as horrible as the loss of a loved one … and all of the in between scenario’s that one can think of.  Stress is unavoidable and is a part of our day-to-day life.

What is important to realize is that our bodies need a “release” of these stress factors in order to maintain a healthy, and positive energy.  A release of stress is healthy in order to avoid it from compounding and becoming a hinderance to your healthy.

 

It’s not the stress that’s killing us, it’s what we do with that stress that is killing us ~ unknown

 

 Common Unhealthy Ways We Deal With Stress:

  • Overeat
  • Oversleep
  • Act out in Anger
  • Neglect loved ones
  • Become reckless with money
  • Ignore it
  • Smoke/drink
  • Take Pills
  • Procrastinate

 Effects Of Stress:

  • Irritability
  • Depressed mood
  • Anxiety
  • Easily angered or frustrated
  • Fatigue
  • Trouble falling or staying asleep
  • Loss of appetite or overeating
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Problems with memory
  • Muscle aches
  • Headaches
  • Upset stomach
  • Rapid heartbeat

  Healthy Ways To Face Stress Head On…

1.  Breathe

Simple as it sounds, oxygen actually dissipates the excess cortisol running through our system.

2. Listen to Music

Music triggers an emotional state in us depending on what memory or sensation we attach to it. Try listening to music that is soothing and peaceful for you.

3. Laughter

Spend time with people who bring joy and humor into your life. Laughter is contagious!

4.  Roll it out

Stress gets lodged deep into our fascia which turns into rough scar tissue welcoming pain and disease to the body. Pick up a foam roller at your local sports store, your body will thank you.

5.  Seek Touch

Snuggle up with a loved one, practice gentle massage, or just hold hands. Allow yourself to feel good.

6.  Aromatherapy

Calm your nerves by adding a few drops of lavender or lemon balm to your bath water or pillow case. Essential oils have proven healing qualities to them.

7.  Be Natural

Get in touch with nature; feel the grass between your toes, pick flowers, or breathe fresh air. Nature is very soothing and can defuse tension.

 The reason that these techniques can be useful is because they bring us up to the present moment rather than dwelling on the stressors that caused us to feel anxious and overwhelmed.  If we practice these things on a regular basis, and not when we are simply feeling negative effects, we offset the negative energy with he positive energy we are trying to instill in ourselves.  We create a harmony which allows us to think in a clear fashion.

The Karma Factor: What Goes Around Comes Around

karma1Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.   ~Henry James

The Chain of Love

“One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even In the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you. He said, ‘I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.’ Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two.

Soon he was able to change the tire.But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her.

She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, ‘And think of me.’ He waited until she started her car and drove off.

It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair.She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan .. After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred-dollar bill.

The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred-dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: ‘You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.’

Under the napkin were 4 more $100 bills. Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it?

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. ~Plato

With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard…. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, ‘Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.’”

Does this story mean anything to you apart from it just being another proverb? Well, I’d say it’s a reality. Try it out once. Afterall, miracles do happen! Hope the following story changes your outlook towards life (It did for me!). Keep shining!

This beautiful story began as a story that appeared in the Chicken Soup for the Country Soul book in 1996, written by Jonnie Barnett and Rory Lee.

The Domino Effect: When You Absorb The Negative Energy Of The World

signtakeresponsibilityforyourenergy

Have you ever  lent an ear to a friend or family member going thru a hard time only to find that once you were finished consoling that person you were left feeling anxious, drained, and negative?

This happened to me recently and I was in a state of emotional catastrophe for days afterwards.  I wasn’t sure what was going on until I came across a post online about “emotional vampires” or “energy suckers” as they were called, and an even more interesting word, “empath”.

I thought I was doing something good.  Creating great karma for myself.  Lending my ear.  Expressing concern, care and giving solid positive advice to the circumstance that was plaguing my friends mind.  Why was I feeling like I had just been hit by a bus?!

Everything in this world has energy.  People, plants, animals.  Everything gives off energy.   Everything absorbs energy.  The energy that I am specifically referring to is emotional energy.  Energy given off by individuals each and every day.  The feelings that we feel when we are sad, or happy.  This is energy – both positive and negative.

There are many people in this world that are completely oblivious to others energy.  People that can have a completely negative conversation and walk away scott free from being roped in to the drama.  There are others, called empaths, who pick up on various thoughts and feelings of others that feel the deep emotions and sensitivities – both good and bad.  People who absorb the energy of others who are left with a hangover of emotional disharmony.  A mental sponge, so to speak.

What is an empath?

Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are less apt to intellectualize feelings. Intuition is the filter through which they experience the world. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually attuned, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers. The trademark of empaths is that they know where you’re coming from. Some can do this without taking on people’s feelings.

Are You an Intuitive Empath?

Ask yourself:

  • Have you ever sat next to someone at a dinner who seems pleasant, but suddenly you’re nauseous, have a headache, or feel drained?
  • Are you uncomfortable in crowds, even go out of your way to avoid them?
  • Do you get easily over-stimulated by people or prefer being alone?
  • When someone is in pain, do you start feeling it too ?
  • Do I overeat around people I’m uncomfortable with?

If you’ve answered “yes” to one or more questions, it’s likely you have experienced intuitive empathy. Responding “yes” to every question indicates empathy is draining your energy.

Follow this link and take a short test to find out if you are an emotional empath:  http://www.empathtest.com/index.php

Strategies for dealing with emotional vampires:

  • Take an inventory of people in your life who give energy, and people who drain.Specifically identify the energy vampires, and begin to evaluate ones you’d like to limit contact with or eliminate. Plan at least one complete afternoon with people who give off positive energy and avoid drainers. Notice how this beneficially affects your physical and emotional well-being.
  • Set Clear Boundaries. It’s crucial to limit the time you spend discussing a vampire’s gripes. When approaching her, remember: the difference between being a bitch and setting boundaries is the attitude. Instead of saying, “You’re selfish and self-obsessed, I can’t take you anymore,” which a part of you likely feels, take a breath and shift to your heart.
  • Meditate. Sitting in meditation is a life-line to your center, to the earth. it will ground you when you’ve been struck by a vampire. By calming the mind, you can re-align with your essence. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath. Then gently extend your awareness downward to strata, bedrock, minerals, and soil. From the base of your spine begin to feel a continuity with the earth’s core. Picture having a long tail that roots in that center. Allow the earth’s energy to infuse your body and stabilize you. If you meditate for five minutes or an hour this is sacred time.
  • Walk away. If you feel your energy being zapped don’t hesitate to politely excuse yourself from a killing conversation. Move at least twenty feet from the person, outside the range of his or her energy field. “I have to go to the bathroom” is a foolproof line. Most people are oblivious to how their energy impacts others. For years, reluctant to hurt anyone’s feelings, I needlessly endured these types of situations and suffered. How many of us are so loathe to appear rude that a raving maniac can be right in our face, and still we don’t budge for fear of offending? In a spot, physically removing yourself is a sure quick solution.
  • Build an energy shield around you. When you’re with vampires you can’t get away from visualize a protective shield of while light surrounding every inch of you. This lets positive energy in, but keeps negative energy out-particularly efficient for vampires at family dinners or social events where you’re trapped.

And so here comes the big question is how? As an empath, how can you put yourself first and still feel like you are helping others in a way that feels good? Well, you need to ask yourself why you are helping others in the first place, and if it’s for the best. If you can stay clear and on task with your own goals and dreams, without feeling depleted and obligated by everyone else, then you have a good foundation. But the real truth is that it will always be a tricky balance for an empath.

When your joy comes from helping others, it’s got to be a conscious effort that is different with each person and situation. So for empaths, more than anyone else, it’s critical to eat good, healthy foods, exercise, get enough rest, spend time outdoors and draw a clear line with others emotionally. And most importantly, spend time alone. It’s not being rude or selfish, it’s critical to your own personal health and well-being.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely.” Emerson

This Life Of Mine: Death Of The Drama Queen

Even in the most peaceful surrounds, the angry heart finds quarrel.  Even in the most quarrelsome surrounds, the grateful heart finds peace ~ Doe Zantamata

Ugh!  Nothing drives me more insane than the ranting and raving of the “queens” in my life.  When I say “queen” I am referring to both men, and women alike because they share a common trait – making mountains out of mole hills.

There is nothing in this world that I can think of that is more emotionally exhausting than the simple chatter of a drama ridden individual.  Literally, these conversations leave me feeling dull, negative and just plain “off” for days upon days following their outbursts.

It seems that the more I try to avoid it, the more it finds me, or the more I am aware of it in my day-to-day surroundings.  When I take a look at why that is it seems to be that drama is in all of us … some of us just know how to internalize and throw away the key before we spread the nasty germs on to the next person draining them of their abundantly joyful days.

It’s everywhere.  The friends who are traumatized over another friends actions.  The mother in law who is completely sensitive to a daughter in laws honesty.  The girlfriend of a friend who is just to blind to see her constant attention seeking behaviours.  The list is never-ending.  But when you look at the commonality in all of the situations what is it that is the core problem with these people?  Is it that they are unhappy?  Is it that they just seek attention? 

I’ve spent many hours in the past trying to console the “broken-hearted”.  Trying to help them understand from another perspective.  Guide them to be a little empathetic as most situations are usually caused by sensitive personalities and misunderstandings.  A lot of these drama episodes could be avoided with clear communication and honesty, and perhaps in some situations toning it down a little as not all of us on the receiving end of conflict are graciously accepting in every circumstance.

Even though we try to see the bright side of everyone’s personality I am left with the conclusion that people who cause drama are fairly dissatisfied with their lives.  They may appear happy on the outside, but I think that the root of their problems is that they are genuinely unhappy with themselves and their day-to-day lives.

There are definitely situations in life that will feel confrontational because we are all built with different personalities and character but is it really necessary to make a mountain out of a molehill?  Must we make each others lives so stressful to the point of tears, sleepless nights, ill feelings and broken friendships?

This all leads back to one of my very first posts about identifying the toxic people in your lives.  I know in the grand scheme of things it may feel like you are getting rid of everyone around you but what needs to be put in perspective is your own quality of life.  The remaining years you have left on this earth are limited – how do you wish to spend them?  I’ve always told my friends in dire situations, ‘Everyday that you wake up is one day closer to the day you will die.  Is this how you want to live.  Can you honestly tell me that you are living your happily ever after ?

If the answer is no, then I strongly recommend you reevaluate the path you are taking because the journey in life should be as enjoyable as a beautiful road trip.  Yes, there will be windy roads that will be less than pleasurable to travel,  but the beautiful landscape, quaint towns, and gorgeous oceans make the trip all worth while!  Afterall, you are the only one who has complete power of your life and destination!

7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama

1. Recognize when you might be creating drama.

You get what you put out. If you act in a way that is positive and minimal drama, you attract the same kind of positive situations and people. ~April Myers

Drama usually comes from my reaction to other people’s actions. I stop to think: Does this really matter in the long run, or am I just trying to be right? ~Anita Grimm-Hohl

I minimize drama within myself. When I’m focused and calm, so is the world around me. ~Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt

 If there’s drama in multiple areas of your life, be honest with yourself—you’re the constant. Are you creating it? We don’t do anything repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what’s the payoff?

Are you looking for attention or excitement? Did you grow up with drama and you just plain feel best when there’s some around you?

Now aim to find alternative solutions. If you’re looking for attention, can you get it more directly? If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life?

2. Change your perspective.

Be happy about little things, let the big stuff go because I can’t change any of it. ~Grace Foo

I zoom out in my mind to a point far enough away and above so that I can see things in my life for what they are. By doing this, I can see from a distance how small and unimportant the situation is in the big scope of the universe. ~Larry Stilts

Is this situation going to matter a year from now? If not, it’s not worth worrying about. ~Angela Orr

A lot of the drama takes place in our own heads, and it’s usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognize it isn’t as dire as it seems.

If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by a situation, step back and realize this feeling isn’t permanent—nothing is. Then focus on action steps—on the things that you can control. What can you do today to proactively create a solution?

3. Don’t feed into other people’s drama.

Build a reputation for not participating in drama. ~Addy Rodriguez

Just be. Anything you resist persists. Don’t add any negative or positive focus on it. ~Nikki Star

Speak less, listen more. You have time to hear and see the drama and sidestep it. ~Alexis Benjamin‎

Be an observer. Not everything needs a reaction. ~Angelina PhouGui Chan-Ong

If someone repeatedly comes to you with catastrophes, give yourself a window of time when you’ll listen, and then take care of your own needs by walking away. Also, resist the urge to jump into a pity party. Oftentimes people calm themselves down when other people don’t validate their complaints.

Lastly, focus on your breath. Your calming energy may even help them let go.

4. Reconsider unhealthy relationships.

Minimize dramatic people in your life. ~Jeff Palmer

Befriend only people with good energy that don’t promote or create drama. ~Carmen Portela

I realize that spending time by myself is always preferable to spending time with someone who wants drama. Nothing wrong with a dull day. ~Stephanie Goddard

Remove the source of drama from my life. It really is that simple. ~Claudia Jacobs

Take an inventory of which people in your life leave you feeling stressed and unhappy more often than not. If you don’t want to completely remove a toxic relationship, minimize the time you spend together.

If you don’t want to change how often you see each other, recognize drama triggers. When the conversation moves toward her horrible mother, steer it somewhere else.

5. Be clear and straight with other people.

Be as open and honest and communicative as possible. Listen without reacting. ~Faith McGregor

If I have an issue with someone I go straight to them to talk about it, and I don’t talk to anyone else about it if they aren’t involved. Gossip breeds drama! ~Kristie Sherman

Drama comes about because of either misunderstanding or overreaction. Be as honest and open in all cases as possible. Quell your own negative emotions, which will in turn diffuse the negative emotions of others. ~Vito Ruiz

A lot of drama comes from poor communication and confusion. Eliminate it by finding the courage to say exactly what you mean. It may be harder in the moment, but it can save a lot of heartache in the long run.

On the flip side, let people know that they can be honest with you. If someone thinks they need to walk on eggshells around you, they’ll likely hold things in—but they will come out eventually, if not in words, in resentful actions.

6. Be slow to label something as “drama.”

When it comes to people you know you love, always take an extra moment to reconsider, if the “problem” is actually a problem, if it’s worth making a big deal out of it. ~Christian Andersen Hauge

I realize that life is a roller-coaster and my problems are much like others’ at different times. ~Margaret I. Gibson

Love them a little more. It’s who they are. It might even be you. ~Ed Pulsifer

Don’t speculate, good or bad. Simply deal with what’s actually in front of you. ~Michael Stodola

Sometimes what we’re labeling as drama is just someone who really needs us. Instead of expelling mental energy judging the situation as good or bad, focus on being there and being a friend in the moment.

Then be a friend to yourself and let the drama go when you walk away.  A lot of the drama we experience in life comes from our interpretations of the things we experience—particularly after the moments have passed.

7. Learn from drama.

I attempt to allow the inevitable episode, extract any potential meaning or lesson, and equally allow it to pass. ~Joel Olmstead

I try to see the learning experience in the drama. And I think of the sentence “Without rain you can’t enjoy the sunny days.” ~Anja Feijen

Accept it, learn from it, and go on with life. ~Vincent Neerings

Sometimes it seems like drama happens to us, and we’re powerless to remove ourselves from the cause. Another perspective is that every time we find ourselves immersed in something that seems overwhelming, we have an opportunity to learn how to deal with challenges better.

Life will always involve mini fires that we feel desperate to put out. If we can learn not to fan them, they may actually be able to light our way ~ tiny buddha.

Off The Beaten Path: Taking The “High Road”

Never sacrifice your class to get even with someone who has none. Let them have the gutter.  You take the highroad ~ unknown.

My goodness does that quote ring in my ears!  Each time it repeats it gets louder and louder.  I know it’s true.  You know it’s true.  But boy oh boy, have you ever found yourself in circumstances where “letting them have it” is the only way this conflict could appropriately be resolved? …. at least  in your mind?  I mean, come on,  we’re human.  Feeling like we want to “correct”, or “fix” a situation by implementing our own personal view points, morals, and ethics is a natural instinct. 

I, in fact, have done so in the past only to showered with guilt for my actions.  Not by people who point fingers back at me, but by my own conscience whispering back at me saying “WTF is wrong with you.  Why did you do that?  This isn’t you!”  

Why is that so?  Why is it that when we try to “right” a situation we end up feeling worse than if we had simply left things along, or took the “high road”, so to speak?

Situations like this have got to be the ultimate frustration in my world over the past few months.  Your damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.  I am by no means saying that everything I do is “right”, but I find so many people in this world function in a very selfish, non-empathetic state.  It has certainly proven to be a huge disappointment in my world when I come across people who act this way.  How can people function in such a nature?  Is this a learned behaviour?  A way of life through their own upbringing?

I operate in a very empathetic state.  Not necessarily raised, or taught – it is who I am.  I constantly put myself in other individuals view-point and try to understand where they would be coming from.

My “black cloud” began following me during the winter months.  My husbands best friend had been dating a women whom, in my opinion, was not a very tolerable person … but who was I to judge, right?!  I have witnessed, first hand, many of the games that have been played.  If I sat you down and told you the things that I had been exposed to you would seriously tell me that this girl had it coming to her for a long time!  But,  I did what any “good friend” would do … I kept my mouth shut.  Afterall,  we were talking about my husbands best friend of 20 years.  My friend of now 7 years.  The best man at our wedding.  The first “friend” to hold my son when he was born in the hospital just the year prior.  He was our family, so we were willing to sacrifice our opinions in order to see him happy – which he isn’t, but that is a whole other post! …

It wasn’t until I had my own indifference with her that I finally had put my foot down.  I was witness to a certain behaviour at my son’s 1st birthday party (in my home) and finally said that enough was enough … and I gave her a piece of my mind the following week.  Boy did I let her have it, and my goodness that felt good to finally let it out after all this time. 

To my surprise though this great feeling quickly passed.  It did not last and it very quickly turned to doubt and disappointment – caused by my own actions.  I began to question my ability to recognize the triggers that activated this outburst.  I was disappointed in myself for my actions.  I wasn’t angry for how I reacted to her doing the things she did.  I was angry that she was able to get under my skin in that manner.  I was upset that I did not know myself well enough to recognize the “trigger” that would set me off.  After all these years of peace and spirituality it was the handy work of one solo woman who brought my composure to a corrupting halt.  I have to hand it to you, missy, “job well done”! *eye roll*.

It’s been seven months and I frequently think about the situation.  I wonder if given a second change if I would have done things differently?  The reality of it is this… I very well could have walked away, but I know it would have continued to bother me.  So, I have no choice but to take a look at my actions and view my “black cloud” as a lesson.  A constant reminder that I am indeed human, but there is a place and time for everything. 

I’ve learned that with the way I felt over the past seven months that I am not the type of person that can easily speak my mind in such a negative state – whether rightfully justified or not – without feeling the consequences of my own actions.  Even if I had toned it down I realize that there would be no “right” way of trying to express my disappointments to her without feeling this way because of the way I am built.  This is my character.  Although a hard lesson to digest, I am a firm believer in karma – although it seems to take eon’s for it to happen!!  I have learned to choose my battles.  Pick those that are truly worth fighting for and take the high road as it is a road that is well-travelled by many, with a much more enjoyable view of the world.